Having been through pain and loss, Felicia Chin joins 还好吗 hhm.sg to uplift others through stories of hope

Actress and TV host Felicia Chin was 17 when her father passed away from cancer.

Lost without their “anchor”, the family had to “weather quite a number of storms”. These storms included a rocky relationship with her mum, an eating disorder and anxiety. Felicia was then a young actress.

Felicia, now 37, said: “That was very hard for me. There was that void inside of me. Since then I always craved a father figure who could guide me in my life and search for purpose. I read a lot of self help books.

“I always felt alone, like I had to fend for myself. There were times that I felt so broken, so sad and so lost, but had no one to turn to. I didn’t want to speak to my mother about it as I didn’t want her to worry.”

Felicia and her boyfriend, Jeffrey Xu, were both winners at the Star Awards 2022 in April. Photo from @iamfeliciachin Instagram.

Felicia also shares that when she was a new actress in her 20s, she “felt a bit lost”. 

“There were nights that I went to the kitchen at midnight after my mother had slept. I knelt on the floor and cried out into the night sky.

“The sorrow and loneliness I felt were very powerful. As I sobbed, I felt an ache and a desperation just for a father.”

But a lot has happened since then. Much has changed for Felicia.

June 30, 2022 was Felicia’s last day at Mediacorp. She is taking a month’s break before starting on August 1 with 还好吗 (hhm.sg – the name means “how are you doing?”). It is a new platform telling stories of hope in Chinese.

Because Felicia has “been through pain” and knows “what it’s like to feel really low”, she hopes that sharing uplifting stories at 还好吗 will bring hope to those who are struggling.

Below, she shares her own story of how she went from despair to hope:

Encounter in a toilet cubicle

In mid-2015, I was facing difficulties at work and my mind was constantly filled with worries and anxieties that would not go away.

This went on for three weeks. My friends tried to help but nothing worked. I did not know who to turn to or what else what to do.

One morning, as I prepared to take on yet another day of filming and anxiety, I was in the toilet cubicle. I was dreading the day ahead. 

Felicia was named as one of the Seven Princesses of Mediacorp in 2006 and has been named one of the Top 10 Most Popular Female Artistes in the Star Awards ten times. Photo from @iamfeliciachin Instagram.

In despair, I remembered this God that I had heard about earlier in the year while filming a travelogue in Australia.

During the long road trips, my colleagues and softball coach would pray to God and sing worship songs to Him in the car together. I enjoyed this time and felt a sense of peace.

I thought about this God.

In my desperation, I knelt down in the toilet cubicle, closed my eyes and said: “God, if You are real, please help me with these worries and anxieties.”

After she prayed to God about her anxieties, Felicia felt a “crystal clear clarity”, she said. Photo from Felicia Chin’s official Facebook page.

Then I went back to work.

Almost immediately, all the questions that filled my mind just disappeared. I felt so much clarity – like high definition, crystal clear clarity.

I could even ask myself: “Where are the questions?”

It was quite amazing. I thought to myself, “Wow. Who is this God?”

Waves of love

The next day, I asked my coach to bring me to church. It wasn’t a traditional-looking church, just a rented compound.

“I felt all my fears disappear. There was an overwhelming sense of love. That’s not normal. I’ve never felt that kind of love before.”

When I walked in, there were some youths playing basketball, some studying.

I realised that what I was feeling was God’s perfect love. That was very powerful. I wish someone had told me about it earlier.

Leap of faith

As I wondered more about God, I began praying and asking God to prove Himself real to me. I began thinking up scenarios I thought would not be possible.

For example, I asked God to let fellow actor Li Nanxing come and share his faith testimony with me. I thought it would not be possible as he wasn’t filming at that time. There was no way we would bump into each other.

Since 2003, Felicia has starred in more than 40 local dramas, including 法网天后, or Legal Eagles. Photo from Felicia Chin’s official Facebook page.

A few days later, fellow actor Rayson Tan shared that his own faith testimony had been posted on YouTube. I went home to watch it and happened to find Nanxing da ge‘s (Big Brother’s) testimony there too.

As I was watching the video, it dawned upon me that Nanxing was actually sharing his testimony with me. That was my answered prayer! A few months later, I also got a signed copy of Nanxing’s book, The Real Picture, which details his life story and faith journey.

Through this and other similar incidents, I knew that God was hearing my prayers. He was answering them in ways I could not have imagined. I began to realise how real God is.

Felicia’s latest drama, When Duty Calls 2, will be airing in August. She has plans to continue acting and hosting after leaving MediaCorp. Photo from Felicia’s Instagram @iamfeliciachin.

So when Rayson invited me to attend a church service a few weeks later, I agreed.

The night before the service, I prayed: “God, I know that You are real. If this is for me, can you give me a dream?”

That night I had a dream. In it, I saw myself walking away from my past, my old self. And then I woke up.

“When I was driving home, suddenly I started crying. But that crying was like joyful crying.”

During service, when the pastor asked who wanted to give their lives to Jesus, this dream came into my mind. Even though I was a little apprehensive, I took this leap of faith and responded.

Afterwards when I was driving home, suddenly I started crying. But that crying was like joyful crying.

I didn’t understand what was happening, and at that moment, I even told myself: “哇, 演戏都应该演不到这个情绪吧!” (I think I wouldn’t even be able to act this emotion out!)

Then I realised, oh, “tears of joy” is a real description.

A Father’s love

After I became a Christian, my pastor did a follow-up session with me.

When we started, she shared with me that God had told her to start the session on the third topical lesson: A relationship with the Father.

God also asked her to say to me: “Tell Felicia that I am her Father.” 

What she didn’t expect was that her words would bring me right back to those times – more than five years earlier – when I was alone on the kitchen floor, crying out for a father.

I immediately burst into tears and wept.

After encountering God in 2015, Felicia put her trust in Jesus and counts it the best decision she has ever made. She is also an ambassador for World Vision Singapore, and is pictured here with the beneficiaries of the charity during a trip to Myanmar. Photo courtesy of World Vision Singapore.

God had heard me. He had always been there for me, even when I didn’t know Him.

He was always so close. I was never alone. I will always have a Father with me who loves me and who will guide me in my life.

I have also seen how God has healed my relationship with my mum. (Click here for this story.)

Sometimes I still feel like I have to be perfect for God to love me. So, instead of running to Him, I run away from Him when I meet with problems.

But I know that because Jesus died on the cross for my sins, I no longer need to be perfect to be deemed worthy in God’s eyes. I can experience this beautiful, deep process of knowing God.

A new chapter

Since coming to God, I’ve told Him that I want to be where He wants me to, and to do what He wants me to do … in not just acting, but producing something purposeful and meaningful.

By using whatever gifts or talents that I have, I hope to make a positive contribution, and not fear what God has in store for me.

I also pray for God to lead me to people He wants me to bless and touch – whether of the same or different faiths. 

An ambassador for World Vision Singapore, Felicia said: “I want to be a vessel of love for God.” She is pictured here with one of her sponsored children from Myanmar, Kyine Kyine, in a trip in January 2019. Photo courtesy of World Vision Singapore.

Then the opportunity came to join 还好吗 (hhm.sg). 

What spoke to me about 还好吗 was that it is something for the Chinese community.

I have often reflected on why I’m placed primarily in Chinese dramas ever since I came into this industry. There must be a reason I have a certain connection with the Chinese audience.

These last three years, I have felt God’s prompting: “Felicia, go read the Chinese Bible!” And I’m like: Very hard leh! There were a lot of words I didn’t really know.

But last year, I got the chance to attend some classes at Chinese Tung Ling Bible School. And because of that, I decided to open the Chinese Bible and started reading it.

“By using whatever gifts or talents that I have, I hope to make a positive contribution, and not fear what God has in store for me.”

As I piece everything together, I feel it’s not a coincidence that maybe my next step forward is in this direction. That’s why I said yes to 还好吗, which offers stories of hope. They are so precious. 

Hope is so lacking in the real world. It’s easy to fall into despair, especially when you don’t really know who to turn to. You feel helpless and defenceless. These are all very real things that people face. 

I just want to share that if you are going through struggles, seeking meaning or purpose in life, you can whisper to Father God everything that you’re going through. And He cares. He cares for each and every one of us so intimately.

It’s okay to just cry out to Him just like I did many years ago at the back of my kitchen. He’s here to heal the brokenhearted. He’s here to help bind up our wounds.

This is an excerpt of stories that first appeared in Salt&Light.

Click here to join our Telegram family for more stories like Felicia’s.

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