She lost her dad at 19, and her boyfriend 100 days later: How national bowler Grace Young played through grief and loss
By
Gemma Koh
, 13 May 2022
Grace Young, at age 27 – the most bemedalled athlete at the 1989 SEA Games. Today, she combines her love for cycling with her heart for serving the terminally ill and their families. All photos courtesy of Grace Young.
At age 19, Grace Young suddenly lost her dad to a heart attack. In a “double whammy”, she lost her boyfriend to an accident 100 days later.
“I was devastated,” Grace, now 59, said.
“I was really close to my dad and we had a special relationship. My dad was always very encouraging and extremely supportive of what I do in sports or music.”
Of her boyfriend, she said: “At that age, you think he’s the guy you’re going to marry.
“I felt that I had to get away, disappear, just be on my own. I was searching and questioning. It was just awful.”
Bowling over the coach
Two years later, 21-year-old Grace walked into a bowling alley with friends and picked up a bowling ball for the very first time. The year was 1984.
Grace was particular about learning the correct technique. (She played softball up to Combined School level. She also played badminton, tennis and swam.)
So she stood behind national bowling coach – Victor Tham – and the national youth team and watched them.
“In those days, who talks about going full-time into sports especially in a tiny island like Singapore?”
“He said ‘hello’ and we started talking.
“He had such a smiley face, was so welcoming, and was so fatherly,” she recalled.
Impressed by how Grace carried out his instructions so perfectly, Victor invited Grace to train with national youth team.
Barely six months later, she won her first tournament. It set her on the fast lane to becoming a Singapore sporting legend and a sports news anchor.
“What are the chances?” asked Grace, who became a seven-time SEA Games gold medallist and three-time Sportswoman of the Year in the 1980s and 1990s.
It would only be much later that she would acknowledge the Hand behind her amazing journey from beginner to bemedalled athlete.
“People talk about coincidence. There is no way anybody can draw out and create such a journey – except God.”
Great loss, record wins
Grace loved the sporting area and thrived in it.
“It was a big thing for me,” she said.
Then she was hit with yet another devastating loss when Victor, her mentor and coach, passed away in 1989.
She thought about the time over the last five years that Victor and others had sacrificed for her. Coaches then were all part-timers with other full-time jobs.
“I sat down and said, ‘If I’m going to continue doing this (professionally), I need a proper plan.’”
The newspapers devoted columns to Grace’s bowling feats for Singapore. The Straits Times named her one of Singapore’s 50 Greatest Athletes. News clipping from Grace’s collection.
The perfectionist read up on sports psychology and devoured all she could on the training regimes of international sports stars.
She hit the gym to build strength and stamina. She put together a mental checklist the night before each competition so that she would not be distracted by surprises.
“I read and drew up a programme and tried to figure stuff out. I was determined to make it work since I’d already put in five of my formative years,” she said.
“We weren’t that advanced in sports then, unlike these days when the athletes are really fortunate to have all sorts of support for everything.
“That year was my watershed year. I won the Singapore Open (a tournament when the world comes to Singapore to compete) with an amazing average. That was such a great encouragement.”
She become the most bemedalled athlete at the SEA Games that year.
Now she attributes this to God who was saying, “Come on, the door has opened for you to do something.”
But did she see it then?
“Back then, it was, ‘Hey, I can do this’,” she admitted.
Slipping away from the sport
After 15 years in bowling, and as injuries piled on, Grace “slipped away quietly” from the sport that made her Singapore’s darling.
She was planning to go to the UK to get back into theatre – her other love.
Then two new doors opened for her, and she ended up not going.
The already-seasoned sports news presenter got “a lucrative offer” from the Television Corporation of Singapore (now MediaCorp) to anchor a sporting programme.
And American Chinese Roy Diao – whom she would marry in 2000 – “came into the picture”.
Sports and fitness still feature strongly in the life of Grace and her family. Between them, they ski, golf, cycle, swim, play tennis, football, basketball and more.
She would soon see that it was another way God was reaching out to her to run back to Him – just as He has done through her sporting life.
Rebooted at age 38
In 1999, she and Roy were preparing to get married. Their search for a church led them to St George’s Church.
Grace was sitting in the pew when she noticed a little card for the Alpha programme that said: “Who is Jesus?”
(Alpha’s loving, non-judgemental, no-pressure approach welcomes all – even those not attending church – to ask questions about the Christian faith.)
Grace at age 4, with her dad. Grace, the sixth of seven siblings, remembers falling asleep in his lap at church when she was little. Grace drifted away from the faith in her teens.
Grace looked at the brochure and thought, “I should be so ashamed of myself. I can’t even answer fully who He is. I really should know Him a little better.”
She also felt God was reaching out to her yet again. “He is always creating opportunities, but never forceful. It is like His hand is always outstretched should one need to grab hold of it.”
Grace and husband Roy Diao (right) with their son, Kenneth.
Attending the course, she realised, “God has always been around.”
She asked: “Why have I been so blind to His presence? And that’s because I was completely, totally self-absorbed and consumed with the ways of the world and all that was going on in my life.”
She said: “My walk with God got rebooted at age 38. It was like a fresh start for me, a new life.”
Glowing on the podium
Recalling her emotions of winning, Grace said: “You stand on the podium, and you’re just completely locked up in your throat and you’re not able to sing the National Anthem …
“The emotions keeps building and you feel like you’re just bursting with this aura.”
A fraction of book articles and newspaper clippings featuring highlights from Grace’s bowling days: Her coaches (in book, above centre), and meeting then President Wee Kim Wee (left photo).
Looking back, Grace said that it was God that she was “glowing about” on the podium.
“He journeyed with me every step of the way. There was no way I could have done any of it if not for Him.
“God made me, so He knew what my strengths were and what my desires were,” she said.
It had been her secret desire to be a world class, top international athlete. But it seemed like an unattainable dream.
“Because in those days, who talks about going full-time into sports especially in a tiny island like Singapore?”
Care on two wheels
God would also open doors to a new sporting arena for Grace – one that she could use in a purposeful and meaningful way to help communities in need.
Shortly after leaving bowling that made her star, Grace picked up cycling. She did not own a bicycle at that time.
Barely two months later, she joined friends on an eight-day fundraising cycling tour in Thailand, visiting villages that few tourists without bikes are able to access.
Two months after taking up cycling, Grace raised almost $20,000 out of the total amount on a charity cycling tour of Thailand. The tour has since become an annual highlight for her.
Through her caregiving journey with her own mother, God opened her eyes to how different people and families respond to the elderly and terminally ill. Grace’s mum has since passed on.
“Talking with other patients gave me real insight into people’s circumstances and situations,” she said.
It deepened her understanding of God’s commission to love others.
Grace said yes to serving on the board of Ambulance Wish Singapore. The charity fulfils the last wishes of patients of all backgrounds and religions who have less than 12 months to live.
Most requested wishes include visiting an old (or new) place, a meal, or a photography session with loved ones.
The family is unable to organise these experiences as caregiving in itself is overwhelming.
“You need people who have the time to put it together – the ambulance, a nurse or doctor (or a safety aide to accompany the patient) to make it happen and to make it nice,” she said.
Grace recalled how their team of volunteers rushed to make sure a dying man could attend his daughter’s wedding. “He made it to church, and walked his daughter down the aisle.” The man was in a wheelchair and was breathing with the help of an oxygen tank.
He passed on two days later.
She has seen how much these memorable experiences bring closure, hope and joy to patients and their families in what might otherwise have been a sad, painful and lonely journey.
Cycle for AWS
Grace Young’s love for cycling and heart to serve comes together in a fundraiser she has organised for the third anniversary of Ambulance Wish Foundation (AWS).
She invites the public (anywhere in the world) to join her in a virtual cycling challenge to raise awareness for the terminally ill and fundraise to support the work at AWS.
Participants may sign up for Cycle of Peace 2022 as individuals or as private teams with family and friends.
They may also participate as corporate teams – as part of a team-building or CSR activity.
Register here (from May 15 to June 15, 2022) to get your participation kit.
Then cycle anytime and anywhere (stationary bikes count too!) between May 28 till July 2, 2022.
A daily and weekly leadership ranking board will show participants their cycling and fund-raising progress.
Donate or find out more about how else you can support the work of the charity drive or Ambulance Wish Singapore here.
This is an updated excerpt of an article that first appeared in Salt&Light.
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