I was a bully, but my own battles were tearing me apart. This is how my life was turned around

When I was 15, I met a group of friends whom I wanted to reach out to. However, to my surprise, I ended up being influenced by them.

It started off with hanging out with them. Then I realised that I became agitated easily and was unable to control my temper. The way I spoke to others had also changed — profanities were in every sentence that came out of my mouth.

I smoked, disrespected my family members and friends and became someone I never thought I would become. I projected an image of myself that caused people to fear me; an image that was seen as “strong” in the eyes of society.

Under all that, I was fighting internal battles that were tearing me apart every second I was breathing.

For example, I concealed the insecurity that I was desperately struggling with — the need to be loved and accepted by people. I put on a mask, so that people around me would think of me as someone who does not care about the opinions of others.

For an extensive period, I felt I was walking through life alone in a dark valley and constantly felt that all hope was lost.

I felt that I was in a deep well that I could not escape from. And so, I gave up on trying to turn over a new leaf.

This went on for one and a half years. Then a friend spoke to me and challenged me to go for an upcoming youth camp.

Despite feeling so broken, I decided to go for it. That turned my entire life around.

Daniel went for youth camp at age 16. He had a life-changing experience as one such camp when he was 14 (pictured above).

When the pastor invited those who wanted a fresh start to come forward to be prayed for, I was the first person to run out of my seat and fall on my knees. 

I gave to God the shame and guilt that I had harboured for so long.

When the prayer time ended, I immediately called my parents to apologise for the hurt that I had caused them.

Earlier encounter

It was also during this period that I recalled an earlier encounter with God when I was a 14. 

I was brought up in a Christian household, but my faith only became important to me when I experienced God’s presence at a similar youth camp.

At the age of 14, my encounter with God showed me that God is real.

At the age of 16, my encounter with God showed me that God is the only person who will love me despite the number of times I walk away from Him.

I see myself in the Bible story of The Prodigal Son. I left the Father and indulged in the many things of this world and came up totally empty and broken.

Because of the things I had done, I felt that I was not worthy to go back to God.

But when I returned to the Father, He welcomed me with open arms and a large warm hug that I had not felt in a long time. 

Daniel went to church every week for the sole purpose of meeting his friends until he had a personal encounter with God when he was 14 years old.

Looking back, I was living in a continuous downward spiral. I had lost sight of my identity and my mission in this world.

But in all the things that I had tried and/or seen, nothing compared to the love and transformation that God freely offers.

He gave me a love I did not deserve, hope in a dark place and never-ending second chances.

The Daniel whom everyone once knew was gone.

The Daniel who bullies and mocks others is now someone who stands up for those who are being oppressed.

The Daniel who did not give an ounce of respect to family and friends is now someone who holds them close to his heart.

The Daniel who did not have a heart for others is now someone who wants to specialise in the area of social work, so that he can be a pillar of hope to those in need.

Frontman of iconic rock band Ronin finally finds what he has been searching for

Transiting out from that dark place felt extremely uncomfortable, painful and uncertain. It was neither an easy nor quick transition.

I had to leave a group of friends whom I felt were extremely loyal. I had to humble myself and take steps to reconcile with my family members. I had to find new and healthy coping mechanisms (including taking photos and intentionally catching up with friends) to manage the stresses of life.

God has blessed me with new friends in church whom until this very day are still closely walking with me.

God is indeed our provider, and will meets our needs in His time, just as He met mine when I felt that I had no community to turn to.

Through the pain and stretching, I experienced God’s presence, peace and power.

Today I have found everything I could not find back then – purpose, meaning, an unceasing source of hope, a love for people and much more.

The changes that I experienced because of my relationship with God drastically transformed the way I approached situations and people as well as my attitudes.

As a student from the Normal (Academic) stream who was consistently at the bottom of my cohort throughout my secondary school years, I used to have extremely low self-esteem.

I subconsciously believed that Normal (Academic) students can only do so much in their studies or go so far in life.

But after knowing God personally and walking with Him every day, my hope is based on the fact that God has a brilliant future for me (Jeremiah 29:11).

I work hard not to prove myself nor to get to the top, but to do my part while trusting that God will accomplish His purpose for my life. 

Believing I was a good-for-nothing, I had given up on my future

I have seen God’s hand over my life since that day I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour.

He has been faithful in providing me so much unmerited favour in school with my lecturers and even peers.

I recently graduated from Republic Polytechnic with a Diploma in Social Enterprise Management with Merit.

He has even blessed me with the achievement of being named the Most Outstanding Graduate of the Year and the valedictorian in the School Of Management & Communication. 

I also obtained a place in university to study my dream course — social work. Through social work, I want to extend God’s healing hand to those who are in desperate need.

I am excited for what is ahead of me as I serve National Service for the next two years. Just as God has been with me then, I know He will be with me now.

This is an excerpt of an article that first appeared in Thir.st.

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