TRIGGER WARNING: This story contains mention of a suicide attempt. Reader discretion advised.
Twelve years ago, James Kuan stood on a stool next to his open kitchen window.
The then 39-year-old had spent two decades in the semiconductor industry, a field so specialised that he felt he was stuck with no way out except to quit.
James during his engineering days in 2012. All photos courtesy of James Kuan and Singapore Christian Home.
The relentless pressure to produce breakthroughs every quarter weighed heavily on him.
Sleepless nights and worsening health issues – unexplained blood in his urine – added to his growing despair.
But what troubled him the most was the thought of failing his family who relied on him to provide. His children were just eight and 10, and his wife was a homemaker.
James (top right) with his parents, wife and children in 2006.
That fateful night, overwhelmed by exhaustion and hopelessness, James struggled to quiet the turmoil in his mind.
“I felt it was too much to take,” James now 51, told Stories of Hope.
Standing on a stool by the open kitchen window, James was ready to let go of life.
“But as I prepared to jump, I saw in my mind’s eye, a panel with three simple words: ‘Jesus help me.’
“Instinctively, I shouted those words,” he said.
James had never been to church. His parents followed a different faith, and he had regularly visited their place of worship.
Later on, James would recall that he may have seen similar banners outside churches in Marine Parade, while sending his daughter (second from left in a 2016 photo) for tuition.
“Suddenly, the confusion lifted, and I felt a wave of calm.
“I stepped down from the stool, and just cried and cried.”
It was a moment that changed everything.
“I said, ‘I don’t know you, Jesus. But when I was so desperate, how come I didn’t call the name of the other gods? I called Your name.
“‘You saved me tonight, and I believe you will help me get out of the situation I am in. And I will serve you for the rest of my life.’”
He didn’t realise it then, but he had just said his first prayer.
After his attempt to take his life, James and his wife finally said yes to their neighbour’s repeated invitations to visit her church.
“This Ah Ma was 70, yet she talked about God with so much fire. I wanted to know why,” he said.
“At church, when I heard for the first time that Jesus died to take away all the wrong I’ve done, and I am a new creation. It touched me deeply to know that I have a God who loves me so much.
“I was feeling so hopeless. But now I saw hope, a future – a new start.
“I also knew that I was not alone.
“I started praying a lot, especially when I was stressed, and submitted everything to God,” he said.
One day at work, James was using the office restroom when he noticed a motivational poster taped to the back of the cubicle door.
“It read, ‘If you feel down and out, help somebody.’
“I felt like it was speaking directly to me,” he said.
“But I was in no position to help anyone. I suspected I had depression, and I needed a job to sustain my family. How could I give help to others?”
Yet the thought wouldn’t leave him.
“I said to God, ‘If this is what You want me to do, I will do it’.”
He thought about who he could help, and narrowed it down to two groups – children and the elderly.
“I went on Google and found statistics that while many people were drawn to working with children, fewer are willing to care for the elderly.”
That realisation pointed to his next step.
Years later, James would get his heart’s wish to serve children, too. He is pictured on an outing with and staff and children from Singapore Christian Home.
But there was one major hurdle.
“I had no skillsets for healthcare.”
James found a Masters programme in gerontology at a local institute of learning, which would allow him study part-time for a year and a half while he continued working at his job.
“But my application was rejected,” he recalled.
“I was told I had no relevant background, and spots were reserved for those with experience in healthcare.”
“It could only be God,” said James, of the way doors opened for him to gain the necessary skills to serve the elderly.
Accepting it as a sign to stay in engineering, he prepared to move on.
“But at the last minute, I received a call. Someone had dropped out, and I got the place.
“But they told me very clearly: If I failed, I would be out.”
He didn’t have the money for the school fees, so he paid the first installment on his credit card.
The rest, he hoped, would work itself out.
“For some reason, the school didn’t keep track if I paid, and allowed me to continue studying.
“Only upon graduation did they realise I hadn’t fully paid the fees.”
They allowed him to settle it in installments before receiving his certificate.
With SCH resident Nicholas Tham, 22, who has Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy, at a Christmas market, where SCH had a booth to raise awareness and funds for its work.
Another miracle was in store for him.
“A colleague, a Christian, who knew about my situation, gave me $2,000 towards the fees. He said, ‘Don’t need to return it to me. Go and help others.'”
As part of his coursework, James needed to complete an internship.
“I had hoped to work in a mental health hospital, to learn how to use my own struggles with depression to help others,” he said.
Instead, he was assigned to a nursing home – the pilot in a government-backed initiative to improve nursing home operations through digitalisation.
His skills of analysis and knowledge of technology suddenly became an asset.
Tasked with tracing the clinical workflow so that the programmer could modify the Australian software for the local context, James was assigned to “shadow” nursing aides, nurses and doctors. It gave him an opportunity to understand their day-to-day responsibilities and challenges firsthand.
James engaging with an elderly resident at Singapore Christian Home.
When he graduated, the agency overseeing the initiative offered him a job to roll out the system to 20 more nursing homes.
“I never imagined this would happen because I had zero experience in healthcare,” James admitted.
Worried about starting from the bottom rung of the corporate ladder and not having enough to support his family, James prayed.
He was in for another surprise.
“They offered me a job as the manager in charge of the project. The salary offered, though less than what I had prayed for, was just enough.
“I was so grateful.”
James worked in policy and IT before completing a diploma in social work and transitioning to community mental health.
Later, he joined a team building a new nursing home, a senior care centre, and an academy to train nurses.
He could not have foreseen how nine years of experience across various facets of the eldercare sector would prepare him to lead in his next role.
James joined Singapore Christian Home (SCH) as director of operations, but was subsequently asked to step up to be its executive director.
The addition of a children’s ward to SCH showed James that God had not forgotten about his heart to care for children.
“I rejected the offer as I didn’t feel qualified. But I didn’t sleep well after that,” he admitted.
Wrestling with the decision, he prayed and sensed that he should accept the role.
“The moment I said yes, a deep peace settled over me.
“I may feel I do not have the capability to do what God asks me to do. But I know that when I follow God, He’s for me, and nothing can be against me.
“God also moved the right people – godly mentors and skilled professionals – to join as staff and board members to assist me.”
The nursing home that James helms has been serving chronically-ill resident from all races, religions and social economic status since 1960.
It is also the only nursing home in Singapore with resources to care 24/7 for children and young persons with chronic medical conditions.
New initiatives under James’ leadership included organising the Home’s first-ever fundraising dinner in its 63-year history. The effort raised S$600,000.
Within 12 months, the team had turned around a deficit of S$1.1 million into a surplus, bringing a stability that would enable the Home to expand its services and facilities.
James with a therapy dog from the Sayang Squad who came to bring joy to residents at SCH.
In 2017, the nursing home added children and dialysis patients to their list of residents.
Now 51, James looks back in awe on his journey from the window ledge a dozen years ago.
“Snowfall” over Christmas brought joy to staff and residents of the nursing home
“God didn’t just save me. He provided the skills I needed to help others, and provided for my family for over a decade.
“Now, it’s time to share my story – so that others can see hope even in their darkest moments, and know that God is real.”
Singapore Christian Home (SCH) is a 240-bed nursing home that provides residential, medical, nursing, rehabilitative and respite care to chronically-ill destitutes and persons from low-income families. Known for accepting difficult and challenging cases that are generally refused by other institutions, SCH is also the only nursing home in Singapore with a dedicated ward for medically-fragile children and young persons.
It was started in 1960 by three Christian friends who took in destitute women from the streets of Singapore and put them into their own home at Upper Thomson Road.
Click here if you would like to support the work of SCH by finding out more, donating or volunteering.
Or give here towards SCH’s rooftop playground designed specially to bring joy and therapeutic benefits to child residents who have complex medical issues.
Singapore Christian Home is an Institution of a Public Character (IPC). All qualifying donations (above $20) are eligible for a 250% tax deduction.
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