TRIGGER WARNING: This story mentions a suicide attempt that some may find distressing.
Before my good friend was executed in Malaysia for manufacturing ecstasy pills, he said to me: “I envy your life today because you no longer live in fear. You don’t have to keep looking out for the police and the underworld rivals.”
I felt sorry for him and thought about my own past that was often too painful to recall.
I was jailed 11 times, serving a total of 20 years and 6 months, and given 17 strokes of the cane.
The bargain
My father was jailed for drug possession when I was a kid.
My mother worked as an assistant at a coffee stall to provide for her four young children. I would occasionally help her after school.
But my life went downhill when I was 14. I started taking heroin and LSD pills and ended up in a drug rehabilitation centre.
The young drug addict going into prison.
Upon my release, my peers persuaded me to join a gang.
Earnings I made from territories under my control were spent on drugs and partying.
I also fought with rival gangs, peddled drugs, gambled on horse racing, and ran illicit businesses.
Josiah (right) life was full of partying and carousing. Sometimes he brought his mother (second from right) along.
One day, my cousin invited me to go to church with him.
I replied mockingly: “Sure! No problem! I’ll go to church with you … if you come clubbing with me first.”
My cousin agreed, and I kept my end of the bargain.
“Sure! No problem! I’ll go to church with you … if you come clubbing with me first.”
At church, pastor asked in his sermon: “What do you do when the neon lights are off?”
I can’t remember exactly what the pastor said, but I remember that line challenged me to think about my life.
The memory of that church visit remained etched in my mind.
But it was only 20 years later that I fully understood the meaning of the message.
Headbanger behind bars
One day, I ran off to Malaysia to escape debtors. I had lost a huge amount of my friend’s money on horse racing.
There, I started producing ecstasy pills with a friend. But was soon discovered and arrested.
I was jailed 11 times, serving a total of 20 years and 6 months, and given 17 strokes of the cane.
I escaped the death sentence, but was sent to prison.
Though behind bars, I was still able to get ice (methamphetamine) to consume.
Hallucinating under its influence, I banged my head against the metal bars and walls of my cell. It left me with a deep scar on my head.
Josiah showing the scar from banging his head against the bars of his cell. Screenshot from his video testimony for Breakthrough Missions.
Once, I tied a bedsheet into a rope and tried to hang myself. I was saved just in time.
In the dead of the night, I asked God why I was still alive. He reminded me that my mother and my cousin, both Christians, were praying for me.
Caned and bitter
Even though ice is a silent and frightful killer, I continued to consume and peddle drugs upon my return to Singapore.
I was again arrested but escaped the mandatory death penalty. It’s a miracle that I am still alive today.
I tried several times to jump bail during my parole, but was always caught and sent back to jail.
I argued with the prison officers over trivial matters. I cursed them with vulgarities and was caned.
In prison, I argued with the prison officers over trivial matters. I cursed them with vulgarities and was caned as a result. They also gave me injections to calm me down.
I was aggrieved and bitter.
One day, a cellmate asked me to read some passages from a Bible to him.
I refused at first because I did not believe in God.
But gradually, during our free time when we were let out of our cells, I would gaze up to the sky and wonder who created the universe.
From buffalo to dove
On one occasion, I got involved in a fistfight and was thrown into a solitary cell.
A prison mate – a Christian – was concerned about me and prayed for me.
He said: “Lord, I commit this stubborn ox into your hands.” (Buffalo was my nickname.)
From being notorious for violence and quarrelling, I became obedient and cooperative.
Not long after, amazing things started to happen.
For some reason, I couldn’t remember the occultic curses that I often chanted.
I became eager to get my hands on a copy of the Bible, but couldn’t find one in the prison library.
Then one day while having my shower, someone pushed a copy of the Bible through the gap under the door.
I was overjoyed and relished every chance to read the Bible. I cried tears of remorse as I read it, and prayed that Jesus would forgive me for my past sins.
Josiah (front) with fellow residents and staff of Breakthrough Missions),
The prison warden noticed the change in me and asked: “How did you become as mild as a dove?”
I replied: “It’s because I was weary of prison life. I prayed to God to change me and He heard my prayer.”
Wailing in remorse
One day, while having my meal in the prison cell, I suddenly remembered my family members, friends and people whom I had hurt.
I had caused them such pain and suffering. I felt an overwhelming sense of remorse and wailed.
I suddenly remembered people whom I had hurt … I felt an overwhelming sense of remorse and wailed.
Just then, someone came to call me to a Christian service.
When the pastor invited all who wished to believe in Jesus to step forward, I responded.
He prayed for me and urged me to confess my sins and shameful past to Jesus. He also encouraged me to apologise to the people I had hurt.
A brother beside me read me a Bible verse: “If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin …” (2 Chronicles 7:14)
It comforted and encouraged me. I felt a peace in my heart that I had never experienced before.
Having a real vacation
Before I was released from prison in 2009, I often considered the question: “Will I always be repeating the same mistakes and sins till the end of my days?”
I’m thankful that God brought me to Breakthrough Missions, a Christian halfway house that nurtured my character and helped me acquire good habits. I subsequently worked as a staff member there. Four years later, I went to help my family run their coffee stall as they were short of staff.
Josiah (third from left) serving as an usher at church.
My gangland mates showed up as soon as they heard that I was back. They tried to lure me back to my old lifestyle, but I told them I had turned over a new leaf. I also said that nothing could make me give up on God’s love and the true freedom I now enjoy in Christ.
“Having a vacation” is a common euphemism for serving prison time.
But today, the life I’m leading today is the real vacation. I’m carefree – no longer living in fear, as my good friend on death row once said.
Josiah with Susan, his wife and soulmate.
Jesus has given me the true freedom to do what I love. My wife and I often travel overseas to tell others about the Lord. We visit prisons to inspire stiff-necked drug addicts to get back onto the right path.
Twenty years ago, I first heard the question, “What do you do after the neon lights are off?”
Back then, I couldn’t respond as I didn’t know how my life would turn out.
Today, I know the answer: Jesus has set me free from the scourge of drugs. My life is meaningful and has eternal value.
As told to Wang Wai Ying. This story was adapted with permission from the book What Amazing Grace and a video produced by Breakthrough Missions.
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