Originally from Penang, Malaysia, Jenny (not her real name) has been working as a nurse in Singapore for the last seven years.
Her nine-year relationship with her boyfriend ended during the Covid-19 pandemic.
Alone in Singapore and unable to visit her family due to Covid travel restrictions, Jenny, 38, was also exhausted from pulling long hours at the hospital, like most healthcare workers during the pandemic.
“I thought to myself: Life could not just be about work, work and work,” said Jenny.
The first few messages the stranger on Instagram sent Jenny.
In June 2021, a stranger messaged her in Mandarin over Instagram. She thought it was harmless and started chit-chatting with him.
The stranger claimed to be a 34-year-old Shanghainese interior designer based in Vancouver, Canada. He added that he had a part-time job investing in cryptocurrency.
He asked if she had thought that she would end up by herself in an old folks’ home.
Every day, he would check in on her and send her pictures of his day, including what he cooked or the latest artwork he painted.
“We talked about life, work and everything. I thought I had found someone I could talk to,” said Jenny.
“The conversations felt authentic. He would ask me how was I and what was I doing.”
She started looking forward to this man’s texts and calls each day.
She confided in him about her long, tiring days at work and he listened closely. She felt he understood her struggles.
The stranger sent Jenny this picture, purportedly of himself, a Shanghainese interior designer based in Canada.
After one week, he boldly said that he wished to date her and asked if she wanted to be in a relationship with him.
“I said I preferred if we remained as friends,” said Jenny, who wanted a life partner of the same faith.
The man then joked that this would disqualify him. He asked if she had thought that she would end up by herself in an old folks’ home if she remained single.
Jenny was a people-pleaser and would usually get into relationships fairly quickly, being naïve and easily convinced of the other party’s affections.
Born to young, unwed parents who were not prepared for parenting, Jenny grew up not receiving the love and attention she craved. When she was 10, Jenny was also sexually assaulted by an adult she knew.
These childhood circumstances still affected her self-confidence and view of relationships even decades later.
When Jenny shared her faith with the man, she noticed that he would often question what she said and argue with her.
She also shared with him how while praying two days after assisting with a 22-hour long surgery, God showed her that the team had left some gauze in the throat of the patient. She quickly alerted the surgical leader who was able to rectify this and avert a mishap.
During this time, she also mentioned to him that she was planning to buy a home in Singapore after getting her citizenship.
Initially, she made a few hundred dollars. He encouraged her to invest more and she took up an online loan.
“Why not invest in cryptocurrency to grow your money?” her new friend asked.
“I can advise you what coin to buy and when to sell. But, of course, I won’t do it for you. You would have to do the whole process yourself,” he said.
Jenny had already invested in shares and gold and thought she could try cryptocurrency. She had been hearing a lot about it lately.
So she followed his instructions and opened her own account on a dedicated website. She put in a few hundred dollars first, to test the waters.
“Friends told me it should be safe as long as I don’t give him any money,” she said.
“I thought I was in full control of the investment as it was under my own account. He would give me advice but I would buy and sell on my own.”
Initially, she made a few hundred dollars. He then encouraged her to invest more and she took up an online loan to get more money to pump into the platform.
Then about a month after they first started talking to each other, the man told her he was willing to follow her to church and become a Christian. She was happy to hear that and eventually gave in to his repeated requests to become his girlfriend.
He then talked about their future together, including his plans to move to Singapore.
The stranger Jenny met over Instagram regularly posted pictures of his life on social media.
Then the first ball dropped.
She discovered that she had been scammed by the company she had taken the loan from.
Scammers had masqueraded as a legitimate credit company online and gotten her to hand over $30,000, supposedly for fees and to maintain a minimum balance in her account in order to borrow more money.
“I was in despair,” said Jenny.
That was money she had borrowed from friends.
“They trusted me, knowing that it was unlike me to borrow unless it was urgent.”
The fake loan contract drawn up by the scammer posing as A1 Credit, a legitimate loan company.
Her new boyfriend comforted her. He reassured her that she would be able to make back the $30,000 “pretty easily” through the cryptocurrency platform if she pumped in more funds. He even deposited $10,000 into her “account” to convince her, and encouraged her to borrow more from family and friends.
She did not want to lie to her loved ones as to why she needed the money. So she borrowed some $150,000 from various banks and legal moneylenders, and pumped it into the platform to keep the investments rolling.
She monitored the “investment” and saw almost $30,000 in profit.
“I didn’t like the way he was pressuring me to lie and borrow more money.”
“It was stressful worrying about the amount of money and interest I had to pay back to the creditors,” she said.
“I was determined to take the money to return it to my friends, then stop all investments and break up with him.
“I didn’t like the way he was pressuring me to lie and borrow more money. I had no peace about the relationship.”
When she told the man what she intended to do, he threatened to take his life.
“My investments are already doing badly and I have lost almost everything. If I lose you, what else do I have to live for?” he pleaded.
Her heart melted and she decided to continue the relationship.
Yet he did not stop pressurising her to borrow more money from others.
She became so stressed that she could not eat or sleep properly. She experienced tightness in her chest, shortness of breath and heart palpitations. The heart condition that she was predisposed to flared up, and she landed up in hospital. The doctor recommended that she go for surgery.
The stress was too much and Jenny ended up hospitalised for a heart condition.
The man then promised to fly to Singapore to be by her side when she went for surgery. So she delayed the procedure.
He persuaded her to pump in more money into their investments so that they could “earn money faster and he could then come over to Singapore earlier”.
Desperate, she borrowed from her father, a preacher. She lied to him that the money was meant to repay a loan from friends. She also persuaded her mother to fork out some money to join her in the investments. And she took out a mortgage on her house in Malaysia.
In September, last year she injected another $70,000 into the cryptocurrency platform – for the last time.
She had invested a total of $240,000 on this platform.
When her father found out that she had mortgaged her home in Malaysia, he became worried and asked a fellow pastor to pray for his daughter.
As that pastor was praying, she received divine insight that Jenny had trusted a man and was giving him a lot of money.
Pig-butchering involves building a relationship – often romantic – with the victim over months, akin to fattening a pig
Jenny’s father did not reveal this to his daughter as he was not sure she was being scammed and did not want to alarm her. However, he confided in a church friend who told him that his daughter was a victim of a scam known as “pig butchering” (sha zhu pan in Chinese).
It involves building a relationship – often romantic but not always – with the victim over months, akin to fattening a pig. The perpetrator then “slaughters the animal” by convincing the victim to invest money into a fake venture.
The losses are often significant. They average US$98,000, according to a survey of 240 victims by the Global Anti-Scam Organisation. About 70% of the victims are women.
Unlike traditional love scams, the scale and strategy behind each pig-butchering scam is immensely sophisticated. Most victims were people in their 20s and 30s. Nearly 90% of them hold a bachelor’s degree or higher.
The scammers get to know the profile of the victim and come up with scripts to connect with and manipulate them accordingly. In Jenny’s case, they worked on her faith.
The stranger even shared with Jenny his “passport” details to convince her of his authenticity.
On the same day the pastor received divine insight, the other church member called Jenny to share the possibility that she had fallen victim to a pig-butchering scam.
“There wasn’t much awareness of such scams at that time,” said Jenny.
“I didn’t really believe that it was happening to me but it stopped me from borrowing further.”
It stopped her from going to unlicensed moneylenders.
Jenny’s father was troubled and began searching online for more information on such scams.
He chanced upon the blog of a pig-butchering victim who lost about $500,000. He sent the link of her blog post to Jenny, telling her that it would be a red flag if she could not withdraw her funds from the investment platform.
“Dad, it is not a coincidence that you are sending me this link.”
Over the last two months, Jenny had been able to transfer between $1,000 to $3,000 from the platform to her bank account. In all, she had successfully withdrawn $16,000. So this reminder did not arouse her suspicions.
But to her horror, the article her father had sent showed photos of the same man she had been speaking to for the last four months.
Some of the red flags started to make sense.
All this while, she had not seen his face over video.
“We need to preserve some mystery till we see each other face to face,” the man had told her.
Once, she video-called him but he declined the call, saying he was busy. Then he distracted her by sending more pictures of him going about his day.
The investment platform that she was using could be accessed only by a dedicated website – not via a well-established app or trading platform.
“Dad, it is not a coincidence that you are sending me this link,” Jenny messaged her father.
Overwhelmed by the discovery, she felt empty and numb.
She felt that her father’s discovery of the same perpetrator could not be anything but guided by God.
Immediately, she confronted the scammer, hoping that she could get her money back. She believed in his good nature, and urged him to come to Singapore and they could work out whatever difficulties he was facing.
She tried to withdraw the money in her account but was informed she would have to invest a further $240,000.
He denied her accusations and ended their relationship.
Jenny tried to withdraw the money in her cryptocurrency account but was informed by its administrator that to withdraw such a large amount and for “safety purposes”, she would have to top up the funds and invest a further $240,000.
Upon realising that her account was frozen, Jenny found Singapore-based non-profit Global Anti-Scam Organisation online, which confirmed that she had indeed been scammed. Not once, but twice.
Jenny took on additional part-time work as a vaccinator on the weekends to try to raise more money to pay off her debts. This was on top of her full-time job as a nurse.
Yet her total debts of $270,000, with accumulating interest fees, was just too much – even if she worked seven days a week.
“Banks were calling me daily at work. I got so stressed when I was unable to pick up their calls,” said Jenny.
When she hit rock bottom in September to December last year, Jenny thought of suicide several times a day.
“It’s very tempting because it’s the easy way out. If I am no longer around, my CPF can be withdrawn and the funds can be used to pay back my friends and parents,” she said.
“My house can also be sold to pay off the debts.”
When she hit rock bottom, Jenny thought of suicide several times a day.
When the suicidal thoughts came, especially at night, there were times when Jenny would walk out of her flat along the HDB corridor and look down 16 floors.
“There was a time when I wanted to jump and out of nowhere came a voice that said, ‘Are you sure?’” said Jenny. “That woke me up from the darkness that I was in.”
As for the scammer, she feels no hatred towards him.
“I believe he scams for a reason.
“Whatever debts he may have that led him down this road, I hope he would do the right thing and do a proper job instead to pay them off,” said Jenny.
“Of course, I know this may be wishful thinking or naivete.”
With three quarters of her salary going to repay loans, she is left with $200 a month for daily living expenses.
With the massive amount of debts in her name, Jenny had no choice but to file for bankruptcy earlier this year.
Being declared bankrupt makes it hard for her to secure part-time jobs. But it has helped reduced her debts significantly to some $100,000, which has to be repaid in about four years.
With three quarters of her salary now going to repay loans and debts, she is left with $200 a month for her daily living expenses.
Despite all that has happened to her, Jenny tries to take it all in her stride.
“I forgive him for scamming me, but of course I won’t forget what he did. God will mete out His justice,” she said.
“I am unable to forgive myself until I repay everything, especially to my family and friends.”
She has been less kind to herself.
“I am unable to forgive myself until I repay everything, especially to my family and friends. I feel guilty and sinful for making this mistake and lying to borrow money,” she said.
“But I know I am being stupid and falling into the devil’s trap, because our God is a forgiving God.”
Jenny now finds it difficult to pray. In the past, she could easily pray for an hour at 5am before starting shift work every morning.
“When this thing happened, I could not pray at all. Perhaps I did not feel worthy. But it’s starting to get better now and I can pray simple prayers such as ‘God help me, give me this day my daily bread’,” said Jenny, who now thinks hard over spending even a dollar.
Though Jenny still finds it difficult talking to God, she is aware that He has never left her.
“He has provided me with essentials and the food I crave by sending people to give them to me. I have support from family and friends, who will cook and send me food and buy me groceries,” she said.
She recalled the time when she wanted to buy an egg tart, but felt it was too expensive and walked away after mulling over it for some time.
The very next day, a patient sent egg tarts to the clinic and her colleague gave her five to bring home.
On another occasion, she walked past a bak kwa (barbeque sliced pork) shop and felt like having some. She did not take the samples, knowing that she would not have the money to buy any after tasting them.
Two days later, a colleague from her part-time job gave her a packet of bak kwa, saying that Jenny could have it as she does not eat it.
“I know God is still there and He will walk through this with me,” said Jenny.
“What I can do is to hold on to life and help others by creating awareness of such scams. Many others are still being scammed as technology gets more advanced.”
After lodging a police report, Jenny did her own sleuthing and tracked down the scammer and other victims.
The police report Jenny lodged.
She found three other female victims – two Singaporeans and a third from Hong Kong. The women banded together and tracked down the man’s IP address, only to find out that he was based in Cambodia. The scammer turned out not to be one man, but a team who took turns to text the women.
The women have handed the information to the police and investigations are ongoing.
The scams have left Jenny with some scars.
She finds that she is less inclined to engage in in-depth conversations with others.
“As a nurse, we often ask after our patients, whether it is their medical history or family background, to see if there is any way in which we can support them better,” she said.
“But now, it takes more energy for me to have such conversations and I am less talkative,” she admitted. “Maybe I am more wary, or maybe I have less compassion for others now.”
In her journey to heal, Jenny has stopped working part-time on weekends to give herself time to rest and recharge.
Jenny banks on God’s guidance and provision as she looks to the future.
“I don’t blame God over what has happened to me. It was my own mistake,” Jenny said.
“I thank God that it happened to me instead of others. If it had happened to someone with a family, the breadwinner would find it hard to cope. Or if it had happened to an elderly person, he or she would not have been able to earn back the money.”
Jenny’s father encourages her to cling to God and frequently texts her Bible verses such as Psalm 7:11 about the judgement of God and Joel 2:25 about God’s promises of restoration.
She banks on promises like Matthew 6:25-26: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?”
She has lost almost everything, but she knows that God’s grace is enough for her.
Jenny who remembers how she “felt peace and joy like never before” when she came to feel God’s love for her in 2009, said: “I can’t see what is coming next, but God sees and He has a plan.
“I have peace, knowing that He is in charge of everything.”
This is an excerpt of an article that first appeared in Salt&Light.
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