I was six weeks pregnant when I was pushed into the operation theatre for an emergency operation. My first child was growing in my right fallopian tube which was bleeding profusely. It was an ectopic pregnancy.
I asked the doctor whether there was a chance the child could be saved. His reply? “5% to 10%”. My first thought was that 5% to 10% was still a chance.
I still hoped for a miracle – but in reality, the doctor was telling us that medically, it was as good as no chance.
I felt so lost, so full of fear.
The next morning, we bade farewell to our first child. But because the tissue of the foetus was not totally removed from my body, I had to have an injection to kill all the remaining tissue a week later.
I got emotional again. It was really difficult. This was in April 1999.
It took me 10 months before I had the courage to try again for another child. To my delight, I got pregnant again!
Given my medical history, my doctor advised me to do a weekly blood test to ensure that the baby was developing well. But after the 3rd blood test, the doctor noticed something was wrong and admitted me to the hospital immediately.
I was devastated by the thought that with both my tubes spoilt, I was unlikely to ever bear a child.
The next day, the doctor told me that there was bleeding from the left fallopian tube – the supposedly good remaining tube – and that I needed an emergency operation.
I was devastated. Not just because I would not get to carry my baby again, but also by the thought that with both my tubes spoilt, I was unlikely to ever bear a child of my own.
The doctor gave my husband and I some time to absorb the news. When the doctor left, I didn’t know how to feel. My husband and I cried together.
We confessed our pain and our inability to see why we had to go through this, yet we expressed our faith that God’s peace would see us through this storm.
After the operation, the doctor confirmed that there was no way to repair my fallopian tubes.
“You cannot lose hope”
The following three months were rough. Sometimes I cried, sometimes I just felt emotionless and empty. Sometimes I felt lost, not knowing what to do.
One day, my professor at seminary asked me how I was doing. I told him that I wasn’t going to hold on to the hope of having children of my own.
“Peh Muay, you cannot lose hope,” he said.
That week, during chapel, my professor preached a sermon on hope. I was deeply moved, and I decided to choose to hope in the Lord for good things to happen from this painful episode.
It took my husband and I about half a year to talk again about having children. We also considered adoption. But after two weeks of prayer, my husband sensed that God wanted us to trust Him for a child. We prayed and decided to try again.
A faint positive line
Three weeks later, I bought a pregnancy test kit. To my surprise, the result was positive – but it was a very faint positive line. I was worried because that was the same test result I’d received during my second ectopic pregnancy.
In tears, I called my husband and shared what had happened. I made an urgent appointment to see my gynaecologist, but the earliest appointment I could get was two days later.
I concluded I was not pregnant and wanted to cancel my appointment. But the nurse refused.
That evening, I decided to go to a pharmacy to buy a more expensive test kit, thinking it would be more reliable. The result was negative. I was shocked and told my husband.
We were sad, but held on to hope.
The next morning, I went to buy another test kit. The result was, again, negative.
I concluded I was not pregnant and wanted to cancel my appointment with the hospital. But the nurse refused. She called my gynaecologist, who scheduled me immediately for a blood test – and another one on the following day.
That day, I read a passage in the Bible about how an angel appeared to Zechariah and announced to him that his wife Elizabeth was pregnant.
Then an angel of the Lord appeared to him, standing at the right side of the altar of incense. When Zechariah saw him, he was startled and was gripped with fear. But the angel said to him: “Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to call him John.” (Luke 1:11-13)
When I saw my gynaecologist after my first blood test, he suspected I had a chemical pregnancy – a very early miscarriage. Upon receiving the second blood test result, he was worried that I might have another ectopic pregnancy.
That day, I continued to read Luke. This time round, the angel announced to a virgin, Mary, that she was going to conceive and give birth to Jesus. Hope rose in me.
The angel said, “For nothing will be impossible with God.” (Luke 1:37)
On the third week, I was instructed to have an ultrasound scan. A different doctor did the scan. I asked him if he saw my baby. He said no.
I was deeply saddened. My husband and I went for a walk along East Coast Park. I couldn’t stop crying. Where are you, my baby?
When it was time for me to see my usual gynaecologist that afternoon, we were shocked to see him smiling.
“Good news, the amino sac was in the uterus,” he told me – which meant the baby had somehow passed through the tube! We couldn’t see the baby in the ultrasound because it was still early in the pregnancy, he explained.
“It’s a miracle. Miracles still happen today,” he said.
We could hardly believe it. We knew it was God’s work. Nothing is impossible with Him. Like Elizabeth and Mary, I had my miraculous pregnancy – one which went to full term without further scares. I finally gave birth to my child.
Miracle #2
When my baby was 16 months old, the Lord prompted us to try for another child. And once again, I got pregnant without complications – my gynaecologist was shocked by yet another miracle!
“It’s a miracle. Miracles still happen today,” my gynaecologist said.
Despite having given birth to two daughters, I still think of and miss my first two children. The ache is especially strong around Good Friday – around the times I lost them.
When my eldest daughter was five, I spent some time alone with God, and told Him that I missed my two children.
As I spoke to Him, He led me to see that just as there would be no miracle of resurrection if Jesus had not died on the Cross, without the two ectopic pregnancies, my later pregnancies would not be such a miracle. They proclaimed His power.
That day, the Lord did heart surgery on me: He replaced my heart of mourning with a heart of gratefulness.
When I look back, I see how powerful God is. Nothing is impossible for Him.
Your story need not be the same as mine, but He can work something beautiful at the end. Trust Him, hope in Him. And don’t give up.
This is an excerpt of an article that first appeared on Thir.st.
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