“I was tired of being angry”: From broken family to champion of families
By
FIona Teh
, 30 April 2020
Delia Ng, 30, shares her story of forgiveness and overcoming family challenges that have fuelled the work she does today.
Upon graduation, she joined the Ministry of Social and Family Development as a child protection officer, a job that allows her to support youth-in-need. Now a mother of two, Delia leads FamChamps (Family Champions) at Focus on the Family Singapore.
“As my family fell apart after I was born, I believed that I was a curse to them.
“I felt that I needed to prove that my life mattered.”
Delia was just a few months old when her parents separated. She has no memories of the event, but it led her to feel unplanned and unwanted as she grew up.
Eventually, her parents divorced. She was 7 when she met her father for the first time.
Hurt by her experience, young Delia didn’t believe in the idea of families. Looking at what had happened to her parents’ marriage, she had no interest in having a family of her own when she was older.
“When my brothers left home to live with my father, it further reinforced my belief that I didn’t need anyone,” she said.
Feeling betrayed and abandoned by family, Delia protected herself from pain the only way she knew how to: “I told myself that I needed to be strong so that others couldn’t hurt me.”
Her father remarried a few years later and set up another family of his own. It devastated her even more.
It felt like he had moved on with life while she was “stuck” with the consequences of the decisions made by her parents – not of her own volition. “I couldn’t understand why my parents made the choices they did,” she said.
Her mother was rarely at home, as she was working hard to support the family financially.
Delia also longed for emotional support and words of affirmation too.
“Deep down, I desired a father figure.”
“I developed a competitive streak and believed that if I excelled and made something of my life, I could make my mother proud,” she said.
“And deep down, I desired a father figure,” she said. “I observed how children would interact with their dads and wondered what it would be like to have one.”
But she “knew that it was impossible”, so she convinced herself instead that she didn’t need a father at all.
“I was angry at how unfair my life seemed to be,” she said.
Delia had stopped attending church by the time she was in secondary school, but went to church again on a friend’s invite.
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:14-15)
“That weekend, the preacher shared from Matthew 6:14-15 and invited those who felt any hatred or bitterness to release forgiveness,” she recalled.
There, Delia, then 15, realised that she had always been angry because of her circumstances, and she actually felt tired of being angry.
She decided to respond to the call to forgive. She prayed: “God, teach me to forgive, I don’t want to be angry anymore.”
It was a moment of surrender.
“Immediately, there was a lightness in my heart and a joy that I had never felt before,” she said. “I felt that I was no longer weighed down by my hurt and pain.”
That same year, she chose to meet up with her biological father. He was planning to migrate to Australia, so Delia’s brother encouraged her to try building a relationship with their dad before it was too late.
Surprisingly, when they met, her father started with an apology for what he had done.
“He acknowledged that the apology wouldn’t change the past but he asked for the chance to be my father,” she said.
Delia continued to meet with her father, and eventually, he invited her home to meet his wife and her half-siblings.
“Initially, I wasn’t sure how to interact with them. But I saw how my brothers were interacting with the family, and I began to get an idea of how to move forward as a family,” she said.
On the joy of being reconciled with her dad, Delia said: “Interestingly, even though I didn’t grow up knowing my father, we share similar interests and hobbies.”
They both enjoy nature so some of their outings included taking walks in the park.
“I learnt the basics of gardening from him.”
There was even a phase when her father baked weekly and she would join him.
Delia said: “Now that I’m a mother, one of the joys is seeing my daughter spending time with her grandfather and relishing in the smiles that she brings to him.
“I am grateful that while I didn’t have a chance to interact with my father as a child, my daughter is able to enjoy a positive relationship with her grandfather because of God’s restorative work in our lives.
“This would not have been possible if I did not experience freedom from unforgiveness.”
In her ongoing journey of forgiveness, Delia leans on the foundation of God’s unwavering love so that she can also love her family – especially when they may feel upset or disappointed with one another.
She did not expected her life to turn out the way it did.
“I was so myopic in my view and wallowed in self-pity, often comparing my life with others,” she admitted.
“People make mistakes, but God doesn’t.”
Delia said: “He destined me to be born and I have a purpose in Him. Even though decisions were made beyond my control, God remains sovereign.”
Now a believer in marriage and family, it’s clear that Delia flipped the script the day she chose to embrace forgiveness.
There are still days when recollections of the past surface – the past cannot be erased – but Delia overcomes it with the secure confidence that she is loved by God.
She recalls how even at a young age, someone she didn’t know prayed for her at a children’s camp and said: “Your earthly father may fail you, but your Heavenly Father would never fail you.” She knew in her heart then that God must be real.
“Most importantly, God revealed to me that I am whole and complete in Him,” Delia said. “He redeemed my past for His purpose.”
In her words, God was relentless in demonstrating unconditional love and undeserved grace to her. He restored her identity and helped her see His perfect design for marriage, parenthood and family.
“The prayer that my husband and I have for our family is that we will be living witnesses of the reality and power of a loving God, and that this faith legacy will be passed to the generations after us,” she said.
