I lost parts of my limbs to amputation. But what I gained was priceless
By
Nicole Leo
, 5 May 2025
The author, 38, initially thought healing meant keeping her limbs. But she discovered a deeper miracle – peace, purpose and joy beyond her physical limitations. This photo was taken in Scotland in 2019 – three years before the surgery.
I felt like I could not breathe as the nurse unwrapped the bandages on my feet. The darkened areas had turned black and shrunk to the bone overnight.
It hit me that amputation may be inevitable. The fear was too great to process, and my mind went blank.
It hit me that amputation may be inevitable. The fear was too great to process, and my mind went blank.
In 2021, I battled the worst relapse of an autoimmune condition.
For seven months, I was in and out of hospital, bedridden and wracked by intense nerve pain every day. I was 34 at that time.
Doctors were baffled.
Potent treatment including trial drugs had failed. My feet turned frighteningly dark from restricted blood flow and hurt at the slightest touch.
Nicole’s darkened feet in hospital. All photos courtesy of Nicole Leo unless otherwise stated.
Doctors warned that it was not safe to increase the pain medication. So night after night, I sat up in bed, unable to sleep, only managing to doze off in the daytime when fatigue overtook the pain.
I had pushed through previous autoimmune attacks since I was first diagnosed in 2013. But this time was different. The intensity and duration of the pain was overwhelming.
My soul felt tormented and my spirit was breaking.
A glimmer of hope
At that time, I was deep in spirituality and meditation practices associated with yoga, new age and another religion – avenues of healing and fulfilment I had sought when I rejected the Christian faith as a young working adult.
But they were not helping me.
Meanwhile, my aunt and cousin who had been looking after my family and me – making huge sacrifices, including taking on menial and unpleasant caregiving tasks – often talked to me about Jesus and the Bible, and prayed for me.
Then, at rock bottom when my feet had darkened, my cousin asked if I wanted to invite Jesus into my life.
I trusted my aunt and cousin, who believed that He was the only one who could help me.
I also remembered snippets of what my mother and Christian relatives had told me when I was growing up – that the God of the Bible, is able to perform miracles.
With nothing left in me and utterly desperate, I clung to Jesus. He was my only glimmer of hope.
I also let go of and turned away completely from the alternative spiritual and meditation practices.
But my struggles didn’t vanish overnight.
“Why won’t You heal me?”
In the months that followed, I had a rocky journey with my health and faith.
At times, I enjoyed some reprieve from my illness – I could laugh, joke and sing.
At other times, the pain intensified, my health deteriorated, and I wrestled with doubt.
I also struggled against thoughts of death to escape the pain.
Like when doctors told me that my digestive system had failed and I needed to be fed intravenously, I told my heartbroken parents: “I really can’t take this anymore. I just want God to take me home.”
The author with her parents during a family holiday in 2019.
Amid my struggles, reading the Bible became my lifeline. In it, I found assurance of God’s love and protection.
I felt safe when I read Jeremiah 29:11.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
And when I felt fearful, I turned to Isaiah 41:10.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”
“Reading God’s promises and listening to worship songs lifted my spirits whenever I was in despair,” shared Nicole. Photo courtesy of Tung Ling Bible School (TLBS).
When I had just become a Christian, there were a lot of things I didn’t understand.
Once, when the nerve pain was sharp and unyielding, I even shouted in my soul in frustration: “God, I know you are all-powerful. Why won’t You heal me?
“It would be a medical miracle for all to see if You heal me.”
Unexplainable peace
In time, God healed my digestive system. The pain also subsided, and I could sleep better.
Then a specific verse struck my heart and altered my prayers. It was Romans 8:32.
“He who did not spare his own Son, but gave Him up for us all – how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?”
If God offered His Son to endure deepest suffering, and nothing is impossible for Him, then whatever He decides is best for me – whether I understand it or not.
Nicole and her mum in 2022; the medication caused Nicole to lose her hair.
My prayers then ended with: “Lord, if you decide not to grant my wishes for healing, then please strengthen my faith and give me more than enough grace to handle it.”
God granted this abundantly, and I felt so much peace. I found that my intellectual questions about the faith also no longer mattered.
After a long-drawn battle to save my limbs, my right leg below the knee, my left forefoot and part of my right index finger were amputated in December 2022.
In the week before surgery, I ate and slept well, watched TV and chatted with visitors.
Nicole on a post-surgery walk with her dad in 2023.
The surgery went well, but complications led to three brain surgeries that left my vision blurry.
Two months later, in February 2023, I was finally discharged to go home.
I could even swim again
Physical rehabilitation was challenging, but recovery progressed faster than expected. I gradually built strength and learnt to walk with my prosthetic limb.
I got back into the water (I used to swim and scuba dive), joining a swimming programme for people with mobility challenges offered by Caritas Singapore.
“My dog Mocha helped me get stronger. Playing with her, chasing after her and cleaning up after her helped with my physical rehabilitation,” recounted Nicole.
It was a challenge to swim in a straight line as my centre of balance had changed.
But with guidance from the coaches, I was eventually able to stabilise myself and swim the full length of the pool.
The miracle of 6/6 vision
The brain surgeries after the amputation had caused significant scarring in a part of my brain, leaving my eyesight blurry.
So the neurologist had advised me to calibrate my expectations that my vision would improve significantly.
But about a year after I was discharged from hospital, I noticed that my eyesight was better and returned to check my vision.
To the delight and surprise of the doctor, tests confirmed that my sight had improved dramatically.
Medical reports showing a dramatic improvement in Nicole’s vision.
I sensed God removing emotional weights from my heart that had accumulated over the years of navigating the world without Him.
Having a deep, unexplainable peace and joy is a bigger miracle than if my leg were to regrow.
Jesus can certainly heal our bodies, but I’ve come to see that His greatest miracle is healing our souls and giving those who believe the promise that we will be with Him for eternity when our time on earth is up.
Knowing that there will be an end of suffering when we get to heaven has given me a deep and unexplainable peace and joy which I’ve never had before.
To me, this is a bigger miracle than if my leg were to regrow.
My father – a skeptic of Christianity for decades – also came to invite Jesus into his life.
Dad was moved by the outpouring of Jesus’ love – shown through relatives who cared for us and many people, including those we did not know personally, who prayed for us.
Carried by my Creator
In the early days of physical rehabilitation, I imagined myself at the gate of heaven asking God: “God, how come you didn’t heal my legs?”
Then I sensed Him say: “Look down.”
That was when I realised that when I eventually go to heaven, I will have my full body.
I later read in the Bible that “He will take our weak mortal bodies and change them into glorious bodies like His own” (Philippians 3:20-21). So I know it must have been from God.
More recently, I got another vision from God.
In it, God was piggybacking me through mountains, then a cityscape.
I felt so deeply moved and completely seen and loved by God. He had used specific imagery that spoke to my heart.
Before my surgery, I enjoyed hiking in nature and up hills and mountains. But after the amputation, I did not think about it as it felt like a far stretch.
The cityscape represented travels that I don’t know if – and when – I would be able to go on again.
“God was telling me: When I’m on His shoulders, He will help me to overcome life’s limitations to live life to the fullest.” Photo courtesy of TLBS.
I hadn’t prayed about either as I felt these activities were luxuries, not necessities.
But God cared to comfort me even about the things I dismissed.
The image of God carrying me on piggyback meant I didn’t need to use my legs – I just had to hold onto Him.
He was telling me: When I’m on His shoulders, He will help me to overcome life’s limitations and challenges to live life to the fullest.
Part of this story first appeared in Polished Shaft, the publication of Tung Ling Bible School (TLBS). It has been adapted with permission.
TLBS photos are by Soong Li-Shya and Jonathan Low Kai Yi.
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