“I don’t believe I can, but …”: CNA prison documentary’s Tian Boon Keng on staying clean

When Tian Boon Keng wrapped up filming for Inside Maximum Security, a prison documentary by Channel NewsAsia (CNA), he felt anxious over how people would respond to his story. He also felt some pressure to remain accountable to his promise to stick to the straight and narrow.

One of five inmates featured in the four-episode series, Boon Keng was released from prison on July 23. But, having been jailed four times, he knows change is not easy. Long-standing habits are hard to break. Temptations are widespread.

“Can you just don’t commit any more crimes?” his daughter begged.

He remembers the first time he was jailed at 18. When he swore he would never come back again, seasoned inmates told him to readjust his expectations.

“I was very assured then, but now I understand why they said that,” the 34-year-old said with a chuckle.

But this time around, he feels a new kind of hope. “Last time I thought that I can change, but now I know I cannot. But I believe if I hold on to God, it definitely is the way.

“I don’t believe I can, but I believe God can.”

The secret to change

Boon Keng wants to make good on his life. Not just for those who have watched him on-screen, but more importantly for two precious people in his life – his seven-year-old daughter and his late mother.

Boon Keng was one of five inmates featured in Channel NewsAsia’s four-episode documentary, Inside Maximum Security. It has since racked up more than 10 million combined views on YouTube. Screenshot from YouTube.

In the CNA documentary, he shared the heartbreak of how his daughter had held on to him just three days before his latest arrest.

“Can you just don’t commit any more crimes?” she begged.

“My biggest regret is that I never really told my mother I love her.”

He has not seen her since he was arrested more than two years ago. He used to spend time with her every weekend, but lost custody of her because of his vices.

He holds on to the hope that he will have the chance to see his daughter again.

But he cannot say the same for his late mother. He found out that she had passed away after chancing upon her obituary in a two-week-old newspaper while in prison.

“I think my biggest regret is that I never really told her I love her a lot. I wish I could be a good son to her …” he said in the CNA documentary.

“I cannot turn back the time anymore. For now, I can only tell myself for her, I want to change and let her have her peace. I don’t want to fail her anymore.”

Desperate after losing his mother and access to his daughter, Boon Keng turned to God. Photo courtesy of Tian Boon Keng.

It was at this lowest point in prison that he desperately decided to place his trust in God.

“When I lost my mum and my access to my daughter, I really gave up on myself. I knew I couldn’t fight this fight alone,” he said.

What’s their secret?

Boon Keng had first heard about the Christian God during his first incarceration. A fellow inmate had invited him to attend chapel services and encouraged him with Bible verses whenever Boon Keng felt down.

However, he never really took the faith seriously and only turned to God when he desperately needed help. Even then, he experienced God miraculously answering his prayers – such as when he passed a urine test through an unlikely turn of events.

“When I talk to God, He would reply me with somebody telling me at the right time what to do.”

“When I talk to Him, He would reply me with somebody telling me at the right time what to do, or I will see a verse. I don’t know how to explain, but I could feel the connection with Him,” said Boon Keng.

During his fourth incarceration – at the time he was featured in the documentary – he attended the prison’s chapel services regularly. There, the testimonies of former inmates made an impact on him. Some had committed serious crimes, but had managed to turn their lives around for good.

“I always wondered: How come they can change? What is the secret?”

In time he discovered the answer: “They held on to God.”

“My own style”

Boon Keng learnt to fend for himself from a young age. So putting his trust in someone other than himself is counterintuitive. But it is something he is slowly learning to do.

As a child in primary school, he was quiet and withdrawn – an easy target for the school bullies. His housewife mother told him to bear with it. His father, a coffee shop boss who was an absent figure, offered no moral support.

In Secondary 1, he joined a gang for protection. It stopped the bullying, but started him on a string of bad habits.

Left to look out for himself, he made a curious observation.

“I saw that people who are being disturbed are those without any backup. Then people with backup are usually those who disturb other people,” he said.

And so, after being challenged to a fight in Secondary 1, he joined a gang for protection. It stopped the bullying, but started him on a string of bad habits – smoking, taking drugs, gambling, cheating, drinking – that would be hard to shake off.

Even after he left his gang at 16, these vices followed him. When he faced stressful situations, he turned to drugs to cope. When he needed money, he looked for all sorts of ways to make or take money, never mind if they were illegal.

“Whenever I faced issues, my way of solving it must always be immediate,” he said.

 And so, he landed behind bars four times for crimes from illegal moneylending and cheating, to drug consumption and theft.

“I went such a long way using my own style to settle things. But if it’s not God’s way, you will get nothing,” he said.

“Coming out has given me a second chance to turn over a new leaf for the people who care about me,” said Boon Keng, pictured with his fiancée. Photo courtesy of Tian Boon Keng.

It may be tough, but this is why he is learning now to cast all his burdens on his caring God (1 Peter 5:7) instead of taking things into his own hands.

Already Boon Keng has experienced God’s provision after praying. Before his release, he tried everything he could to secure suitable housing for himself, but failed.

Then Boon Keng told God, “I’ve already done whatever I can. The rest I’ll leave to you.”

Just as his release date rolled around, his sister informed him that her flat was ready. She offered to rent it to him at an affordable rate. “This house that I’m staying in now is the best testimony (of God’s provision),” he said.

“Never, never let go”

However, not everything has been smooth-sailing. Life on the outside is filled with challenges that will take time and effort to work through.

Apart from earning enough money to pay for rent and other basic necessities, Boon Keng’s goal is to build up his savings for his future with his fiancée, who has stuck by him all this while.

But he has to weigh this against other priorities. If he works seven days a week, he will be able to build his savings faster. However, this comes at the cost of going to church, attending support groups and volunteering his time, which he would like to do.

It is something he still trying to work out, but he is sure of one thing: “Following God is definitely not easy, but you must really, really cling on and never, never let go, because once you are too far, you will definitely fall.”

Friends who guide

Boon Keng has also found encouragement from people who have taken the time to journey with him – blessings that he does not take for granted.

In the past, he struggled to change as he did not know how to. But these new friends have helped to guide him on the right path.

Adeline Wong, founder of Human-Animal Bond In Ministry, for example, invited Boon Keng to volunteer at an event where he got to interact with the vulnerable elderly and give back to society.

She praised him for his warmth and love for the seniors, saying: “He is also very patient and willing to serve and learn.”

Befriending the elderly was a meaningful experience for Boon Keng, who was struck by their simple joy. Photo courtesy of Human-Animal Bond in Ministry.

Boon Keng also benefited from the session.

“It was very meaningful,” he said. “I saw the uncles and aunties doing simple things but they are very happy. It made me really think: This is the life that I’ve been looking for but I don’t know why I’ve gone one big round.”

Friends who have come alongside him include Jensen Lee, who works at Prison Fellowship Singapore. He helped Boon Keng realise the ills of smoking – not just on his physical health but on his financial health too.

If he doesn’t buy a $10 pack of cigarettes a day, he would save more than $18,000 in five years, Jensen told him.

Friends like Jensen (left), who works at Prison Fellowship Singapore, have been crucial to his journey of recovery, said Boon Keng. Photo courtesy of Tian Boon Keng.

“He’s quite motivated to quit but we’ll have to wait and see,” Jensen said.

However, he has faith that Boon Keng will be able to make the right decisions.

“He is someone who is willing to put in an effort to change.

“He told me that he is very much depending on God. He knows that without God, he cannot change,” said Jensen.

And this is why, amid the uncertainties and temptations as he strives to keep his footsteps steady, Boon Keng only has one prayer request: “Pray for me to be strong in God.”

A version of this story first appeared in Salt&Light.

Click here to join our Telegram family for more stories like Boon Keng’s.

In and out of prison five times, it took a four-year-old to turn his life around

His dad once told him to jump from their HDB flat. What healed their relationship?