From porn to prostitutes, he cheated on his wife for 26 years, but she did the unthinkable

When May Lim, 50, discovered that her husband was having an affair, she didn’t know that he had been unfaithful to her all the years they had known each other.

Before they got together he was already addicted to pornography. When they got married in 1993, his addiction only grew, until he finally entered into an affair with a prostitute.

By 2016, Cheng Kwan had been wrestling with sex addiction for 30 years. 

May had always trusted her husband, Lim Cheng Kwan, now 49, until she had a sudden thought to look at what he had spent on his credit card. When she confronted him about an unusual expense, he brushed her off.

She found irrefutable proof on his phone soon enough. Devastated, May decided to divorce Cheng Kwan.

Then something changed her mind.

Powerless against sexual sin

Cheng Kwan was 11 when he started to explore pornography. What he thought was harmless trapped him for decades.

He and his friends “went from talking about masturbation to trying it”.

“I got hooked,” Cheng Kwan recalled. 

He gave in whenever the urge to gratify himself arose.

Cheng Kwan thought the urge to gratify himself would stop if he was in a relationship or got married. It didn’t.

When the vivacious teen met the soft-spoken May in 1992 in school, they quickly started a relationship.

A year later, just before they turned 20, they got married.

He convinced himself he could have the best of both worlds as long as he brought home the bacon.

Even after they had two children, Cheng Kwan continued to indulge in pornography and masturbation, and also progressed from magazines to videos.

Then he began to frequent hostess bars.

Cheng Kwan was tormented by the sin he was committing against his wife. However, he convinced himself he could have the best of both worlds as long as he brought home the bacon and spent time with his family.

His spiral into sexual addiction took him to the red-light district where he had paid sex with prostitutes.

His double life tore him apart. He wanted a way out but didn’t know how.

“I was totally hooked and unable to get out of this darkness,” he admitted.

Still imprisoned

Throughout their marriage, May was unaware of Cheng Kwan’s clandestine life and struggle. She gave him free rein to spend time with his friends as she did not want to tie him down.

Now, she prayed regularly for her husband, asking God to draw Cheng Kwan back to Him.

The couple had invited Jesus into their lives during their school years. Even though Cheng Kwan knew that he belonged to God and that God was with him, he did not turn away from his sexual sin. Without a Christian community to support him, he wandered from God after a few years. 

By 2016, Cheng Kwan had been wrestling with sex addiction for 30 years. 

“I was sick and tired of it,” he said.

The next year, Cheng Kwan began attending church services every Sunday with his wife and son at Covenant Evangelical Free Church (CEFC) Woodlands church. Their daughter attended a different church.

Cheng Kwan kept his struggles to himself and tried to forge ahead on his own, a decision that was his downfall.

Cheng Kwan was keen for the family to grow together spiritually, and they joined a small group. As his faith grew, Cheng Kwan got involved in helping out at church and Christian events. 

Despite all his efforts, the claws of sexual addiction continued to grip him.

“I was no longer going to ‘dirty’ bars or to prostitutes but it still had a hold on me,” he said.

He was determined to overcome it by his own strength but the decision to keep his struggles to himself was his downfall.

He ended up in the red-light district after a celebratory drink session with his coworkers. This time, Cheng Kwan not only engaged in sexual activity with a prostitute but entered into a relationship with her.

Crushing betrayal

The couple’s children – a daughter in her 20s and a teenage son – were the first to stumble on their father’s infidelity. When they confronted him, he denied any impropriety and brushed off their questions.

They never told their mother about it.

The couple’s children were the first to stumble on their father’s infidelity.

However, May had a seemingly random thought one day and checked their credit card bill. 

She spotted a charge for two tickets to the zoo.

When she asked her husband about it, he claimed he had bought tickets for a friend. But May knew something was amiss.

“I felt no peace,” she recalled. “From that day on, I could not sleep well, I could not eat thinking about it.”

May began to look for clues. She went through his phone, and discovered text messages from the other woman, as well as incriminating photos. Her search on social media confirmed her suspicion.

May felt she was drowning in a flood of anger, bitterness and disappointment brought on by her husband’s crushing betrayal.

“I saw what she looked like, where they went,” May said.

Now knowing the truth, she questioned her husband again, but he denied any wrongdoing.

In the following months, May felt she was drowning in a flood of anger, bitterness and disappointment brought on by her husband’s crushing betrayal.

She said: “I felt like I was walking alone.”

Protective of Cheng Kwan, May told no one about the affair, not knowing her children were already aware of it.

Without another human to confide in, she leaned hard on God and held tightly to Him. She soaked herself in praise and worship music, and poured out her heart to God.

Many nights, she sat alone in the silence of the neighbourhood park, staring at the sky. Sometimes she went for a run in the wee hours of the morning when she couldn’t sleep.

Without another human to confide in, she leaned hard on God and held tightly to Him.

“My focus was solely on God,” she said. “Reading the Bible really encouraged me.”

The verse that carried her was Romans 8:39: “Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

She explained: “No matter what situation I’m in, nothing can separate me from God.” 

May decided to file for divorce.

She said: “I didn’t want a man who doesn’t love me. l was willing to let him go so he can be happy with a woman he loves.”

But God changed her mind.

“Forgive him as I forgave you”

One morning at 4am as she was running, May felt God telling her: “Forgive him as I forgave you. Love him just as I have loved you.”

It was a difficult thing God asked of her, but May said: “I realised it was no longer about me or about Cheng Kwan’s sin. It was about showing him how much God loved him. It was about saving the family.”

May took up God’s challenge. She was strengthened by the words of Paul in 1 Timothy 1:16: “But God had mercy on me so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of his great patience with even the worst sinners.”

“It was no longer about me or my husband’s sin, but about showing him how much God loves him, and about saving my family,” May recalled of her decision to forgive.

Now determined to fight for her marriage and her family, May revealed the truth about Cheng Kwan to her cell group leader. Together with their assistant cell group leader, he confronted Cheng Kwan.

Cheng Kwan denied the truth the first two times he was asked, but finally came clean the third time.

“I didn’t want to drag on in this relationship (with the other woman) anymore,” Cheng Kwan said.

He mustered the courage to confess to his wife all his years of secrets and struggles.

Admitting his sin broke its power over him. Cheng Kwan heeded his leader’s counsel to repent, seek his wife’s forgiveness, and make restitution.

He mustered the courage to confess to his wife all his years of secrets and struggles. He asked her to forgive him.

“I told her everything. I told her about the relationship with the other woman. I told her all the things I did in the past that did not honour her,” he said.

May remained calm as her husband owned up to all his sexual sins beyond the affair. God had prepared her those months before, allowing May to work through her pain with Him before Cheng Kwan’s confession.

She forgave her husband, as she had promised God she would.

“This love of God in May is the only reason we are still together,” Cheng Kwan said.

May could even feel compassion for the other woman, recognising her as a foreigner trying to make a living.

Following his confession to his wife, Cheng Kwan confessed his sin to his cell group leaders and repented. He also came clean with his children and sought their forgiveness.

“One of the key reasons I wanted so badly to break this sin was because I did not want it to become a generational sin, affecting my children and their children,” Cheng Kwan said. “I want it completely chopped off at me.”

Although she was wronged, through God, May could even feel compassion for the other woman, recognising her as a foreigner trying to make a living.

“I pray that God will take care of her,” she said. “I pray that God will really open her eyes to see that what she did was wrong and that she shouldn’t be doing this anymore.”

The road to restoration

Cheng Kwan and May journeyed to restore their marriage with their cell group leaders and their wives beside them, covering them in prayer and accountability.

His cell leader told Cheng Kwan to read Psalm 51. Verse 13 made a big impact on him: “Transgressors will know your way, and sinners will turn back to you.”

A WhatsApp group chat “Rekindle Marriage” was set up to encourage them. It comprises three couples from the cell group who support Cheng Kwan and May.

Leaders of their cell group Ng Yong Siong and Kenneth Soh (first and second from left) and their wives journeyed with May and Cheng Kwan on their road to the restoration and kept them accountable.

In 2021, their cell group leader Ng Yong Siong set up a men’s group called Warpath to minister to men in CEFC struggling with addictions. Cheng Kwan is one of six in the group who come together regularly to share testimonies, pray for one another and be discipled in various areas such as conquering sin, breaking bondage and walking in freedom.

Cheng Kwan also allowed his location to be tracked by the Life360 app, developed during the pandemic to trace contacts after Singapore lifted the Covid lockdown.

Repentance also led him to renounce his past behaviour in the presence of his co-workers and put an end to his former habits.

When he told his co-workers that he had changed, they were shocked. They tested his resolve a few times, inviting him out with them.

“I tell them no. No way. Not even for drinks or for KTV,” Cheng Kwan said. “I’m going back home.”

“I tell them no. No way. Not even for drinks or for KTV. I’m going back home.”

Being plugged into a church, surrounded by a band of brothers from the Warpath group has kept Cheng Kwan from falling back into his double life, he said.

A few weeks after Cheng Kwan confessed his sins and repented, the Covid pandemic brought Singapore into lockdown. As a result, the family spent two months patching and catching up.

“God is so amazing with His timing,” Cheng Kwan said with a smile.

It was during this time that Cheng Kwan started conducting cell group at home. The couple and their two children worshipped, prayed and studied the Bible together.

“I could see a spiritual transformation in our family,” May said. The couple was also baptised after Cheng Kwan’s deliverance from sexual addiction.

It has been five years since the truth set Cheng Kwan free and God began healing his marriage to May. It is a work in progress, requiring commitment and accountability from both husband and wife.

May had never imagined she would undergo the trauma of marital betrayal.

“It is not easy to forgive but God can heal me,” she said. “Through Him, l forgive. l always remember I am God’s child, He loves me. In my deepest hurt, l just call on His name and He is faithful to answer.”

It was her razor sharp focus on God throughout the ordeal that shifted her priority to bringing Cheng Kwan back to God – not to her.

“I do not wish to see him leave God,” she declared.

“I just commit him to God, asking Him to help me learn to forgive him.”

This is an excerpt of an article that first appeared in Salt&Light.

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