“Exhausted by OCD, I had a supernatural encounter with a Man who changed my life”
By
Lee Hoon Lian
, 3 June 2024
Lee Hoon Lian was physically and mentally drained by obsessive compulsive disorder that saw her repeating simple actions over and over again. Here's how she found freedom. Photo courtesy of Lee Hoon Lian.
During the course of my work as a pharmacist, I became afraid of giving the wrong medications and instructions.
I checked the medication inside the packaging multiple times even though I knew it was correct.
I also replayed in my mind all conversations with patients after they had left.
Hoon Lian at her university faculty in Malaysia, just before graduating in 2004. She moved to Singapore the following year. Photo courtesy of Lee Hoon Lian.
This went from bad to worse.
I repeated simple tasks – like hand-scrubbing my clothes – over and over again until they were done to my satisfaction. It drained me physically.
Mentally, it was even more exhausting. My mind could not rest. It was constantly active, replaying everything I did at work or at home. The only time this stopped was when I slept.
I held on by my sheer willpower, until one day I couldn’t hold it any longer. I broke down, I lost hope and I could not see a future for myself.
I repeated simple tasks – like hand-scrubbing my clothes – over and over again until they were done to my satisfaction.
I knew what was happening even before I was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and depression in early 2008.
I tried both western and traditional Chinese medicine but none helped to improve my condition.
Then in December that year, my ex-housemate invited me to her church for healing prayer by its pastor.
I was not a Christian but I was desperate for help, so I went with her.
Alone in a prayer room, I uttered a simple prayer to God to help me get out of this misery.
The bright light
With my eyes closed, a very bright light shone around me suddenly.
Still with my eyes closed, I saw a man in a white robe extending His right hand to me. Even though His voice wasn’t audible, I could sense Him saying: “If you are willing to hold on to My hand, I will help you.”
I thought it was my imagination.
When I opened and closed my eyes again, the same man making the same gesture appeared and said the same thing again.
“With my eyes closed, a very bright light shone around me suddenly. Still with my eyes closed, I saw a man in a white robe extending His right hand to me,” recalled Hoon Lian. Photos by Isaac Lim for Tung Ling Bible School unless otherwise stated.
I told my ex-housemate what happened. She explained that the man was Jesus.
The encounter was so vivid that I can still remember it clearly to this day.
I made the decision to hold on to Jesus’ hand and invited Him into my life.
I was also fearful that the OCD might recur, which meant I would have wasted my effort, time and money on studying psychology.
He kept His promise to help me. He gave me a future which I couldn’t see back then.
Because I was no longer able to perform the basic requirements of dispensing medication in my job, I contemplated studying to become a psychologist.
I committed my plan to God. But I was also fearful that the OCD might recur, which meant I would have wasted my effort, time and money on studying psychology.
Then I saw God close the door on this plan – I missed the deadline to apply for the course because of a miscommunication with the university administration staff.
At the same time, He opened a new door. He provided for me over the next 15 years, through work at a public hospital. It included work in a new field where I was no longer required to dispense medication. It took away a big part of the stress.
“He gave all He could give”
Fast forward to the present.
The OCD is manageable and I no longer require medication. And I no longer suffer from depression.
I believe Jesus is my healer.
Celebrating her birthday at work. Photo courtesy of Lee Hoon Lian.
At the beginning of this year, I tendered my resignation.
What led me to make this huge decision to give up my stable job when I still had a mortgage and bills to pay?
It all began during Christmas service at my church in 2022.
The worship team was singing a well-known Christmas song, “We are the Reason”.
I have heard and sung this song countless times. To me, it was just a beautiful song.
However, it was slightly different this time.
Imagine the feeling when the recipient of your gift, which you have delicately prepared, just chucks it aside.
The lyrics in the chorus hit hard that day: “To a world that was lost, He gave all He could give …”
He gave everything that He had for me, for all of us.
I started to think: What have I done so far with this life of mine which He exchanged His for mine?
Honestly, nothing.
I had been going through the motion of working on weekdays and resting on weekends – and repeating the same cycle for 15 years, occasionally serving in church as a backup vocalist.
Wake-up call
It was a wake-up call that I was not treasuring the precious gift of His life and death on the cross. I was just wasting my life.
Imagine the feeling when the recipient of your gift, which you have delicately prepared, just chucks it aside. It definitely doesn’t feel good. But that was exactly what I was doing to Jesus’ gift.
To the devil, I was a laughing stock; he didn’t even bother to look at me as I was of no threat to him.
I started to think that it was time for me to restructure my life to serve Him and people around me, to be salt and light for Him (Matthew 5:13-16).
It was not easy for me – a practical person – to decide to quit my job.
It was not easy for me – a practical person – to decide to quit my job.
I struggled with God for almost nine months. At one point, I was afraid of the verse “Here I am” (Isaiah 6:8). I even avoided listening to the song “Jesus I Come” by Awaken Generation.
I asked God: “How am I going to pay the bills?”
He just said: “Don’t worry”.
When I complained to God that I was not good enough when serving Him as a backup vocalist on the worship team and asked “What can I do?”, He simply answered: “Gideon”. Meaning, don’t try your best on your own effort, but be fully dependent on Him.
Hoon Lian serving as backup singer on the worship team at church.
When I asked Him if I should resign or take up no pay leave as offered by my boss, He just said “Lot’s wife”. Meaning, don’t look back.
I think going to Tung Ling was a good first step to getting to know Him deeper, and His purpose for me.
I’m still trusting Him to open the right door to what He wants me to do next.
Saying “I love you, Jesus”
For 15 years after inviting Christ into my life I questioned if I really loved Jesus.
I couldn’t express my gratitude to Him and say “I love You” out loud. They were just empty words without my heart truly feeling them.
Then one Saturday in March, I was suddenly filled with joy when sweeping the floor at home.
I was finally able to say out loud: “Jesus, I think I’m falling in love with You.”
When I told a staff member at Tung Ling about it on Monday, he said: “Do you know how happy Jesus is, because he waited 15 years for you to say it?”
It gave me a new perspective.
“Imagine if I had to wait for 15 long years to hear someone reciprocate my love. I would have given up long time ago. So Jesus must have been happy when finally I could really gave Him my heart,” said Hoon Lian.
It touched me to know that Jesus had been very patient with me over the past 15 years – even when He knew my heart was not ready.
I believe that it was through the prayers, worship and time of healing at Tung Ling, I had this spiritual breakthrough.
A thought just came to me: Why did Jesus extend His right hand and not His left hand to me that day?
I did a quick search of the Bible and found Psalm 139:9-10: “If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast.”
It’s His assurance that He will never ever let me go nor abandon me regardless of where I go.
Part of this story first appeared in Polished Shaft, the publication of Tung Ling Bible School. It has been adapted with permission.
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