Belinda Lee and her mum: From “nobody’s child” to precious “Bao Bei”

Belinda Lee’s mother passed away from cancer on February 19, 2016.

But the memory of her mum cooking curry chicken for her friends, singing Hokkien hymns in church, and trying to make out words in a devotional despite being illiterate are still fresh on her mind.

This photo brings Belinda back to memories of cheering her mum up in the hospital garden. Her mum had been in and out of the hospital several times within a few months to drain fluid from her lungs.

“Mummy’s spirit always filled the house,” said the TV host, actress and speaker, 45, smiling as she teared up.

If you’d seen Belinda with her mum in the last few years of her mother’s life, you’d never have guessed that their relationship began on the wrong foot.

Belinda shared the remarkable way their reconciliation unfolded, in her own words.

Nobody’s child

My family was not well to do. When I was born – the third child after my older sister and older brother – I was just another mouth to feed.

I was fostered out to my father’s sister who was in a better position to take care of me.

I grew up feeling like nobody’s child.

The moment I was born, I was taken away from my mother. She wanted to see me but she couldn’t bring me home.

But, one day, when I was seven or eight, my mum surprised me.

That day, my mother saw blood streaming from my nose. (As a child, I had health issues like asthma and my nose used to bleed a lot.)

Without a word, she scooped me up and piggybacked me all the way to a doctor.

When she did that, I felt so warm inside. I never thought anyone cared about my welfare or existence.

It was only two years ago that my aunty told me that when I was a baby staying with her, my mother – who eked out a living doing odd jobs – would visit me almost every day after work and would leave crying.

I never knew. When I heard that from my aunty, I was so happy that my mother did want me as a baby, but I was also very, very sad. The moment I was born, I was taken away from my mum. She wanted to see me but she couldn’t bring me home.

Different dreams

It would be many years before I understood my mother’s love for me.

She never told me she loved me till I was an adult.

Belinda became Singapore’s first MTV Asia VJ when she was discovered at age 21.

Filming travelogue, The Places We Live In, which saw Belinda come into her own as an award-winning TV host. In her 13 years as a MediaCorp artiste, she also acted in numerous dramas and won Top 10 Most Popular Female Artiste four times.

Chinese families, they always say: Da shi teng, ma shi ai, meaning that when they beat you, they sayang (love) you. When they scold you, it’s because they love you.

This is how I grew up.

I’m not proud of who I was in the past. I was a very rebellious kid, always staying out with friends. I never wanted to go home. 

My family never knew what was going on in my life. All they knew was: She’s extremely busy and she doesn’t care about her family.

Even when I was an artiste, flying all over the world to interview regional and international stars, I never felt that my family was proud of me.

My mum would ask in Hokkien: Wu lui tan bo? (Are you making any money?) What she was really asking was: Are you able to survive and take care of yourself? Otherwise please don’t waste your time in a job without any prospects.

It was a very traditional mindset.

At the time, I resented my family for not believing in my dreams.

My family never knew what was going on in my life. All they knew was: She’s extremely busy and she doesn’t care about her family.

The more we didn’t talk, the more distant we became.

“If you become a Christian, I’ll kick you out of the house!”

My mother saw a 180° change in my life when I started going to church. I started to listen to her advice and I became a little bit more obedient. I think my entire demeanour was different, too.

She had her own faith and beliefs for 60 years of her life, and she told me: “Don’t tell me you are a Christian, because if you become one, I’ll kick you out of the house!”

But it was when I chose to give my life to God that there was a turning point in my relationship with her.

For many years I told God: Lord, I just pray you’ll soften her heart and you’ll give her ears to hear the story of salvation and the reason I am changed.

When my mother was diagnosed with cancer, she was devastated. Though she was not a Christian yet, during chemo sessions, she would ask me: “Belin, would you pray for me?”

When she came down with cancer, Belinda’s mother would ask for prayers even though she was not yet a Christian.

She began to believe that prayers are powerful.

I would tell her little stories about God in my life. Through those stories, she started to understand the unconditional love of Jesus.

She saw how the Lord provided for me at my most difficult times. She saw how my prayers were answered.

Belinda’s friends in the entertainment industry came to know her mum well, as Belinda involved her mother in her social life.

She started to notice that, wow, the unmerited grace of God is so powerful in my daughter’s life.

One day, she surprised me by saying in Hokkien: “Belin ah. Does your church have any Chinese service? I want to go.”

So, I brought her.

During the altar call our eyes were closed. The Pastor asked: “Who wants to give your life to Christ, please raise your hand.”

I took her to the front to be prayed for. Guess who cried the most? It was me, not my mum!

At that time I had been studying in the School of Theology for about six months. I told God: “I’m not going to peek to see if my mum has raised her hand or not. Her life is in Your hands, her salvation is going to be in Your perfect timing, not mine.“

Then suddenly a woman who was seated next to my mum said to her in Mandarin: “Aunty, I saw you raise your hand just now. Can I bring you up?”

And my mum said to her in Mandarin: “Bu yong.” (No need.)

So I thought “bu yong” means that maybe today is not her day of salvation.

But she continued: “Bu yong. Wo yao wo de nu er dai wo chu chi.” (I want my daughter to take me up.)

I was so shocked. I took her to the front to be prayed for. Guess who cried the most? It was me, not my mum!

I was overwhelmed with joy, and with the faithfulness of God, that when I trust him, He changes the hearts of those close to me.

My mum was my answered prayer.

Letting go of the huge rock

My mum couldn’t read, so after she came to Christ, as much as she wanted to read shen de hua yu (the Word of God), she couldn’t.

For years she prayed to be able to read the Bible.

“I can finally let go of this huge rock that’s been in my heart for the longest time. I feel light now.”

And you know something, miracles do happen. Towards the end of her life, she started to be able to read some words in the Bible.

Even though she only had three years of her remaining life as a Christian, they were the most fulfilling years of her life.

She told me herself: “Belin, it is so wonderful to know God. I wish I had had a chance to know Him earlier, because I can finally let go of this huge rock that’s been in my heart for the longest time. I feel light now, I feel happy for the very first time!”

Her children and grandchildren brought Belinda’s mother great joy: Belinda’s sister, Stephanie (standing), her sister-in-law, Fan Ting (extreme left), and their children Asa, Isabelle and Emmanuel.

A surprise 66th birthday celebration for Belinda’s mum. It would be her last birthday celebration with the family.

In her last remaining days, she was extremely weak. She had no strength to sit up in bed.

But one night at about 1am, she suddenly sat up, then stood up.

Holding on to the window grilles, the bed, the wardrobe, she walked slowly towards my big, wardrobe mirror, put her hands on the glass and screamed at the top of her voice: “耶和华, 求你带我回家!” (“Jehovah, please take me back Home!”) And then she collapsed.

Where did she even get the strength?

Knowing how much Belinda’s mum meant to Belinda, celebrity friends, including actor, TV presenter and fellow MTV Asia VJ, Utt, visited her mum in the hospital. Her mum loved Utt, whom she called “ang mo gia” (Caucasian boy), and would cook for him whenever he was at their home.

That was the hope she had in Jesus Christ at the very last part of her life.

My heart was broken because she was in so much pain. But I was also overjoyed because she knew where her Home was.

For me, that was the most beautiful gift of all because I know that I will be reunited with my mum one day for eternity.

The blessing of another mum

When she became a Christian, my mum was a lot more expressive with her love. She would call me “Bao Bei” (precious). She would sayang my head when I came home and say in Hokkien: “Aiyoh, Bao Bei, le dng lai liao lo!” (Oh precious, you’re back, let me cook you something!)

That was such a beautiful time with her. So, there was a great sense of loss when she went home to the Lord. I felt so empty for a long time.

Belinda’s husband, David, credits his parents, Joanne and Dale, who have been happily married for almost 65 years, for being an example of true love to him and Belinda.

Belinda wishes that her Mummy could have witnessed the day she got married. “Because I married a man who truly loves me and loves God,” says Belinda.

For about one-and-a-half years after that, my sister and I cried when we went back to an empty flat because Mum’s presence had always been so strong. It was hard. I truly missed her. And I told Jesus: Now I have Your love, my dad’s love, but I miss Mum.

And God truly does listen. He gave me such a wonderful man – my husband David – who truly loves me and loves God. He also provided me with the most loving mother-in-law in the world because she loves me like her own. She tells me: “Belinda, I have two sons and I’ve always wanted to have a daughter.”

“Belin, it is so wonderful to know God. I wish I had had a chance to know him earlier,” Belinda’s mother said in her final days. She is holding her first Chinese Bible, a present from Belinda.

So I realise that I am in no lack. Even though my biological mother has gone to Heaven, God has provided me with another mother who loves me unconditionally.

I’m blessed and I am very grateful.

The question I’m always asked

Since David and I got married, a lot of people have been asking me whether I’m planning to be a mother.

So let me answer your question.

When I was in my 20s, I wanted to have four children! I thought to myself: “Aiyoh, one very poor thing. Two, maybe they’ll fight all the time. Maybe three – oh cannot, then there will be middle child syndrome! Four is better lah, because when they fight, they fight in pairs!” (Laughs)

Belinda and David on their wedding day with Belinda’s dad (seated), her sister and brother and close family members.

David and I are open to being parents, whether of biological children or otherwise. He is such a loving man, I know that he’d be the best father in the world.

But as I grow older, I find myself not having a great desire to have my own children, because as I travel, I see a lot of children in need of a mother’s love that I can love too. (Apart from hosting travelogues, Belinda was a World Vision ambassador.)

Mother and daughter on a trip to Bali with Belinda’s friends.

“I know that I will be reunited with my mum one day for eternity,” says Belinda of the assurance their faith gives.

My mother-in-law showed me through her unconditional love that you don’t have to be a biological mother to mother other people. For me, I can be a godmother, I am an aunt, so I’ll try to be the best mother figure I can be.

I do know a lot of people who are trying to conceive. And I genuinely feel for them and the agony they go through. All I can say to these friends is: If being a mother is your true desire, don’t give up. God does listen to your prayers.

At the same time, I also hope you can surrender this area of your life to Jesus. Trust that He has the best plans for you.

This is an excerpt of an article that first appeared in Salt&Light.

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