“What happens if I die?”: Over prawn noodles and iced Milo, this 15-year-old found the answer to his greatest fear

Growing up, Ivan’s home life was complicated.

“My mother was always with her friends. My dad was the one who was home more. But it was my paternal grandparents who raised me and my two younger sisters,” said Ivan, now 35.

Ivan when he was in Primary One.

One night, an argument between his parents left a deep mark on his heart.

His mother was out late, and in a rage, his father locked her out.

With nowhere to go, she spent the night at her parents’ house. The next morning, Ivan’s father packed up all of her belongings and took young Ivan with him to drop everything off at her parents’ doorstep.

Ivan (right, in white) with his parents and younger sisters.

“He threw the luggage at their front door and told my mother not to come back. That scared me. Even till today, I still remember it.”

Ivan’s parents divorced when he was 13. His sisters were 10 and seven. 

“I felt like my family was broken apart. As the oldest, I took it the hardest,” he recalled.

Ivan (with glasses) and his sisters.

His parents soon remarried and had children with their new spouses, creating new families that did not include Ivan and his younger sisters.

His paternal grandfather became their primary caregiver.

A distant and scary God?

At age 15, Ivan began to ask questions about life after death.

“My grandfather was old. I kept thinking, ‘What happens when he dies? What happens to us? And what happens if I die?’”

Ivan’s grandfather – his primary caregiver.

Having been exposed to occult practices as a child, Ivan saw God as someone “distant and scary”.

“If I didn’t meet up to expectations, He was Someone who would punish me. I was walking on eggshells, scared of God. That made me very fear-driven,” said Ivan.

This fear pushed him to search for answers, but the more he explored, the more confused he became.

“I saw God as someone who would punish me if I didn’t meet up to expectations.”

“If reincarnation is real, is there scientific proof? Has a dog ever come back to say, ‘Don’t do this or you’ll be a dog’ in the next life? There’s no research,” he said.

Other religious teachings confused him too. Some had rules that applied to men but not women, which seemed contradictory.

“If God is real, wouldn’t He be consistent?” Ivan wondered.

As Ivan’s search continued, his fear of death only grew stronger.

A life-changing conversation over prawn noodles

One day, a friend invited Ivan to a youth event at church. He didn’t expect much – but something surprising happened.

“There, I felt this warmth, like I belonged. I didn’t even know these people, but they treated me like family,” he said.

After the event, Ivan, his friend, and an older woman went to a coffee shop. Over a simple meal of prawn noodles and iced Milo, the woman started talking about Jesus.

“She asked me, ‘If you die, where will you go?’

Ivan had been asking himself the same thing. There was no way this woman could have known that.

“I didn’t know the answer. But I knew I was afraid of death and I was afraid of being alone,” Ivan said.

Intrigued, he listened as she shared about Jesus’s resurrection.

“Can you jump across the Grand Canyon on your own? Similarly, no one can reach God on our own strength.”

“There was a level of truth to what she said. She talked about the historical evidence of the resurrection and the empty tomb – it was seen by people, it was documented,” he said.

She also talked about God’s grace, and the idea that salvation wasn’t something people had to earn.

“She said, ‘Can you jump across the Grand Canyon on your own? You can’t, right? No one can reach God on our own strength.’

The woman also told Ivan about the far-reaching love of God. It resonated with the lonely teen.

“She said, ‘Every religion says you must work hard to reach God. But God came down to us. He lived among us and made a way for us to be with Him.’”

It was a concept unlike anything Ivan had heard before.

Then something unexpected happened. Ivan’s heart started pounding.

“Growing up, I hated being lied to. Then this thought hit me: ‘Which is worse – people lying to you or you lying to yourself? If this is true, then you need to accept it. Otherwise, you’re just deceiving yourself.’”

At that moment, he felt something stir deep inside.

That day, he said a prayer to invite Jesus into his life.

“When I said it, I felt joy. I felt happy.”

Purpose that truly satisfies 

Ivan quickly became involved in the church, and found a family there; a place where he belonged.

At 18, he wanted to go on a mission trip but didn’t have the money. So he took up a part-time job at a Chinese restaurant, working tirelessly through Chinese New Year to earn what he needed.

On the trip, he met Christians who faced hardships but were still so joyful. That experience changed him forever.

Ivan (right with glasses) found a family at church – a place where he belonged.

“God spoke to me: ‘Do you see yourself doing this for life? Is there anything that satisfies you more than this? I want you to have this same joy and help others find it too.’”

That moment sealed his calling.

Ivan went all in. He interned at his church, studied in the US and was ordained as a minister. Today, he’s a youth pastor, helping others find the same hope that transformed his life.

What if death isn’t the end?

Ivan’s story started with a fear of death. But what he found was something far greater than just an answer. He found a relationship with a God who isn’t distant or scary, but loving and near.

He discovered that eternal life isn’t just about what happens after we die. It’s about living fully now, knowing that we are loved, known, and never alone.

Today, Ivan (right, back) is a youth pastor at 3:16 Church.

Maybe you’ve asked the same questions Ivan did. What happens when this life ends? Where do we go?

The good news is that Jesus made a way for us to have eternal life – not by working harder or being perfect, but by simply accepting His love. And that changes everything.

This story was adapted from an article that was first published in Salt&Light.

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