Victimised by cyberbullies at 12, he became withdrawn and distrustful until his deepest fears were unveiled

Trigger warning: Cyberbullying

My heart raced as I turned on to the computer, trying to figure out who was behind a fake social media account using my name.

“Why were they targeting me? What had I done? Who was doing this to me?”

I was just 12 years old, confused and full of fear.

Even though the cyberbullying was just one short episode, it left Joshua traumatised, and he began to feel afraid at school.

Due to my parents’ work, we were living in China at the time, and I attended an international school.

Swearing at my online impersonator

Earlier that day, a classmate had confronted me. She accused me of being rude and using vulgar language on her. I was dumbfounded because I had said none of those things.

Then, I found out someone had been impersonating me online.

I raced home after school. I needed to see what was being said, so I waited for the imposter to come online.

Joshua didn’t have time to change out of his uniform as he waited for the imposter to come online.

Full of rage, but trying to play it cool, I engaged with them. Every word I said was carefully measured; I couldn’t let them figure out it was me.

But eventually, I lost my temper and swore at them. I guess all they wanted was the satisfaction of my reaction.

Even though the cyberbullying was just one short episode, it left me traumatised. And I began to feel afraid at school.

Young Joshua (left) with a friend from his school days in China.

I felt like I didn’t belong, like I wasn’t liked or accepted, that I was discriminated against.

I didn’t tell my parents because I felt that it wasn’t something I could confide in them about.

So I kept it to myself and built walls around me.

I told myself, “No one will be there for me. I’ll only trust myself. Nothing can hurt me anymore.”

Case closed, but damage done

Shortly after, I was called to see the school counsellor for a completely unrelated issue – a squabble between a friend and myself.

At the end of the session, when the counsellor asked if I had anything else I wanted to tell her, and I shared about being impersonated.

I lost confidence and didn’t dare express my opinions in class.

The school investigated and found out who was behind the fake account. Turns out, it wasn’t just one person – it was a whole group of them.

The culprits were given a scolding and were let off the hook after they expressed some form of regret.

The case was closed, but the damage was done.

I lost confidence and didn’t dare express my opinions in class.

I became super cautious around people, and it made it really hard to believe what people said and to form real friendships. I didn’t trust anyone enough to open up.

Freed to be creative

When we moved back to Singapore, I brought all that fear back with my 14-year-old self.

It affected my studies and friendships.

Three years passed, and I kept all those feelings buried.

He said, “You’re a creative person, but you’re too afraid to share your ideas because you’re scared of being ridiculed.”

Then, one day at a church youth camp, something happened that changed everything.

Someone I didn’t know prayed for me. The words he spoke were so specific, they impacted me greatly.

He said, “You’re a creative person, but you’re too afraid to share your ideas because you’re scared of being ridiculed.”

How did he know that? How could he have known – unless the Spirit of God revealed this to him?

He continued: “This creativity is a gift from God, and you shouldn’t hide it. It’s meant to be shared, and you should be proud of it.”

The prayer opened doors for Joshua to live in confidence. Today, he is a video producer for the Thirst Collective, putting out interview-based documentaries of how individual lives have been transformed.

It touched me because I had already forgotten about the cyberbullying incident, but God knew that this was still affecting me. The logical side of me believed this.

I felt God assure me that I was free to express myself – free to be creative; free to share my ideas, because they come from Him.

That prayer opened doors for me to live in confidence, free from the fear of judgment that had haunted me for so long.

Joshua with a friend from his days at the international school in China.

Over the next two years, the security I got from God’s love and acceptance gave me the courage to develop my interest in video production – something which requires a lot of self-expression.

I enrolled to do film and media studies in polytechnic even though the culture in financially-driven Singapore at that time did not necessarily encourage the pursuit of a more artistic career.

Over those two years, friends and church leaders who had been encouraging me also noticed a change in me, and described me as “more lively”. 

The power of self-expression

Fast forward to today: I’m working as a video producer for the faith-based Thirst Collective of websites. I produce predominantly interview-based documentaries that feature how individuals facing dire situations have had their lives transformed.

The power of media is its ability to impact and influence. And as these individuals’ stories move me, I get great satisfaction in having the opportunity to offer hope to viewers through the videos I produce. 

I get great satisfaction in having the opportunity to offer hope to viewers through the videos I produce. 

I also became part of the core founding team of That’s Worship, after promising a friend that I would support whatever project he was working on to spread God’s love. 

That’s Worship started during COVID as a YouTube channel featuring short covers of songs for worshippers to sing along to, to connect with God.

It has since grown it into a full-scale worship ministry. We’ve come to help local artistes produce and release their original compositions for churches to use. 

We also equip other Christians with practical skills related to worship – for instance, teaching audio mixing in worship masterclasses.

From a YouTube channel featuring short covers of songs for worshippers to sing along to, That’s Worship has come to help local artists produce and release their original compositions for individuals and churches to view and use.

In addition to producing the music videos, I also sing on camera – real proof that God has healed me of my fear of self-expression.

Joshua emceeing at a live That’s Worship night – more proof that he has overcome his fear of self-expression.

I no longer feel bound by the fear that once held me back, even though I still have moments when my confidence wavers.

It is God who is with me every step of the way till today.

If you’re dealing with cyberbullying …

… or know someone who is, check out the helplines below:

• Tinkle Friend runs a helpline and an online chat for primary-school-aged children in Singapore.
  Helpline: 1800 2744 788 (Monday to Friday, 2.30pm to 5.00pm)
  Online chat: https://www.tinklefriend.sg/about/contact-us/ (Monday to Thursday, 2.30pm to 7.00pm, Friday 2.30pm to 5.00pm)

  These lines are closed on Saturdays, Sundays and public holidays.

• If you have suicidal thoughts and need support, call Samaritans of Singapore (SOS) on 1767 or WhatsApp them at 9151 1767.

If you are in an unsafe situation, call the National Anti-Violence & Sexual Harassment Helpline at 1800-777 0000 or the police on 999.

This story was adapted from an article that was first published in hhm.sg.

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